In many countries, young people leave their parents' home in their early twenties and go on to live on their own, while others prefer to stay with their families until a later age. Do you think the advantages of young people living with their parents for longer outweigh the disadvantages?

#countries #people #parents #home #twenties #families #age

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There is a debate over whether youngsters who live separately from their

parents

Use synonyms

the

Change the word

their

show examples

early twenties have more advantages than those who do not or not.

This

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essay will demonstrate the demerits of

this

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phenomenon supersede the merits.

To begin

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with, there are some reasons why it is better that young people who are in

the

Change the word

their

show examples

earily

Correct your spelling

early

twenties leave their

parents

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. For one thing, the younger generation can become an independent person, developing a sense of responsibility.

This

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is because, unlike people who live with their

parents

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, they do not have a substitute who can carry out the burden

instead

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of them.

Therefore

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, they can early grasp

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

vital essential life skills,

such

Linking Words

as handling finances, cooking their own meals, and managing household chores. In spite of the reason mentioned above, I am of the opinion that the argument that living with the

parents

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until the proper age has more upper

hands

Fix the agreement mistake

hand

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. In connection with

this

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view, one of the main grounds for

this

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contention is that young adults do not need to squander their money on house rent. Basically financial problem is practically the largest burden.

However

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, if young people stay at their

parents

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’ home, they do not have to bear the rental fee. Another reason commonly put forward is that they can evade a feeling of isolation

due to

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the absence of family members.

Due to

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the fact that they can have more emotional and financial support compared to those who

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are

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early independent from their

parents

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. In conclusion,

although

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there are some positive consequences of early

indepencende

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independence

, the disadvantages seem to continue to outbalance the downsides.

Submitted by moonmond15 on Wed Nov 22 2023

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task achievement

The essay partially addresses parts of the task. However, it does not completely cover the prompt, as it presumes one side outweighs the other without thorough comparison or examples. It is essential to explore both sides of the argument equally before reaching a conclusion. Additionally, providing more concrete examples to support claims would strengthen the response.

coherence cohesion

The essay has a basic structure but lacks a clear progression of ideas. The ideas are arranged with some coherence and the introduction and conclusion are present but are basic. To improve, each paragraph should have a clear central idea that is expanded upon, with logical connectors to guide the reader smoothly from one section to the next, alongside a comprehensive introduction and conclusion that encapsulate the main arguments.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

270 words

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In many countries, young people leave their parents' home in their early twenties and go on to live on their own, while others prefer to stay with their families until a later age. Do you think the advantages of young people living with their parents for longer outweigh the disadvantages?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

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In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

These days many people leave their country to work abroad and take their family with them. Do you think benefits of this outweigh disadvantages in terms of family development?