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In many countries, young people leave their parents' home in their early twenties and go on to live on their own, while others prefer to stay with their families until a later age. Do you think the advantages of young people living with their parents for longer outweigh the disadvantages?

#countries #people #parents #home #twenties #families #age
There is a debate over whether youngsters who live separately from their
parents
 in
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 early twenties have more advantages than those who do not or not.
This
 essay will demonstrate the demerits of
this
 phenomenon supersede the merits.
To begin
 with, there are some reasons why it is better that young people who are in
the
Change the word
their
show examples
earily
Correct your spelling
early
 twenties leave their
parents
. For one thing, the younger generation can become an independent person, developing a sense of responsibility.
This
 is because, unlike people who live with their
parents
, they do not have a substitute who can carry out the burden
instead
 of them.
Therefore
, they can early grasp
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
vital essential life skills,
such
 as handling finances, cooking their own meals, and managing household chores. In spite of the reason mentioned above, I am of the opinion that the argument that living with the
parents
 until the proper age has more upper
hands
Fix the agreement mistake
hand
show examples
. In connection with
this
 view, one of the main grounds for
this
 contention is that young adults do not need to squander their money on house rent. Basically financial problem is practically the largest burden.
However
, if young people stay at their
parents
’ home, they do not have to bear the rental fee. Another reason commonly put forward is that they can evade a feeling of isolation
due to
 the absence of family members.
Due to
 the fact that they can have more emotional and financial support compared to those who
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 early independent from their
parents
. In conclusion,
although
 there are some positive consequences of early
indepencende
Correct your spelling
independence
, the disadvantages seem to continue to outbalance the downsides.
Submitted by moonmond15 on

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task achievement
The essay partially addresses parts of the task. However, it does not completely cover the prompt, as it presumes one side outweighs the other without thorough comparison or examples. It is essential to explore both sides of the argument equally before reaching a conclusion. Additionally, providing more concrete examples to support claims would strengthen the response.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a basic structure but lacks a clear progression of ideas. The ideas are arranged with some coherence and the introduction and conclusion are present but are basic. To improve, each paragraph should have a clear central idea that is expanded upon, with logical connectors to guide the reader smoothly from one section to the next, alongside a comprehensive introduction and conclusion that encapsulate the main arguments.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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