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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The table below shows average hours and minutes spent by UK males and females on different daily activities.

The table below shows average hours and minutes spent by UK males and females on different daily activities.
#hours #minutes #uk #males #females #activities
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The given table illustrates
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
how much
time
Use synonyms
spent
Add a missing verb
was spent
show examples
for
Change preposition
on
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dailing
Correct your spelling
daily
routing
Correct your spelling
routine
show examples
 for
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
 in
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
.
Overall
Linking Words
, both
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
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 and
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 mostly
spend
Wrong verb form
spent
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for
Change preposition
on
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 sleep
while
Linking Words
 the lowest
time
Use synonyms
spend
Wrong verb form
was spent
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for
Change preposition
on
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 sports. For
employement
Correct your spelling
employment
 and study boys
use
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 3.45
hours
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 and girls
use
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 2.26
hours
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.
However
Linking Words
, they spend considerable
time
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for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
watching TV/DVD and listening to radio/music, female 2.50 and male 2.25
hours
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 per day. Doing
house work
Correct your spelling
housework
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 and child care for
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
use
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closely
Correct quantifier usage
more closely
show examples
boubled
Correct your spelling
doubled
time
Use synonyms
 than
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
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, which is 3
hours
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Use synonyms
women
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for women
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 and 1.41
hours
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Use synonyms
men
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for men
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 for hous work and
women
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 0.32
hours
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and
Change preposition
for and
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men
Use synonyms
 0.15
hours
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 for
men
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.
According to
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 chart personal care and resting girls spend
same
Correct article usage
the same
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 munites per day (0.48
hours
Use synonyms
),
similarly
Linking Words
, childcare and voluntary work and meeting
men
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 spend
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 minutes which is 0.15
hours
Use synonyms
.
Male
Fix the agreement mistake
Males
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 travel 1.32
hours
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while
Linking Words
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 travel 1.22
hours
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. Both
men
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 and
women
Use synonyms
use
Use synonyms
one third
Add a hyphen
one-third
show examples
 of
Use synonyms
hours
Correct article usage
the hours
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 for sleeping per day, 8.04 and 8.18
hours
Use synonyms
 respectively,
Submitted by Sa.inaka on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words time, men, women, use, hours with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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