IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Government investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. Governments must invest this money in public services instead. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

#government #investment #arts #music #theatre #waste #money #governments #services
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There
are
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is
show examples
 some ongoing debate
of
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about
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 whether
investment
Add an article
an investment
the investment
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 in
arts
, including music and theatre constitutes
as
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apply
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a wasteful fund allocation, as against administering resources towards essential public
services
. The question is, which weighs more? To some extent, some might argue that allocating the financial resources from the division of art towards public
services
 might be the solution towards the insufficient funds
of
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for
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 public needs, investment in
arts
have
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has
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 its benefits. Not only does it
spread
Wrong verb form
spreads
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 awareness of cultural heritage in
this
 era of globalization, but it
also
 encourages the growth of creativity.
This
 will
overall
contributes
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contribute
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the
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to the
show examples
well being
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well-being
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 of
the
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apply
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society. In respective, an act of cultural exchange will happen,
this
 results in extreme interest
of
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in
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 tourism that will directly affect one's economy.
Moreover
,
a
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apply
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support
in
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for
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 art boosts
Correct article usage
the country
show examples
country
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country's
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 identity.
While
 the investment in
arts
 might spring
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apply
show examples
up
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apply
show examples
numerous benefits, it is undeniable that there are potential drawbacks to consider. As we know, the major problem revolves
arounf
Correct your spelling
around
misallocation
Correct article usage
the misallocation
show examples
 of
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the fund
show examples
fund
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funds
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, basically where the
goverments
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government
governments
 could have
improve
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improved
show examples
 the need
of
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for
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 funds
such
 as healthcare, education or
insfrastructure
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infrastructure
.
This
 could raise some
misconception
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misconceptions
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 where the government seems to misplace their priorities regarding their
underfudned
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underfunded
 public
services
.
To sum up
, the funding towards
Correct article usage
the divison
show examples
divison
Correct your spelling
division
 of
arts
 has a lot of positive impact towards the country and society.
Although
Correct word choice
However
show examples
, it is crucial for us to understand the downside and risk of
misallocation
Correct article usage
the misallocation
show examples
 of funds. It would be ideal to do a balanced approach on both
side
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sides
show examples
, so the importance of public
services
are
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is
show examples
 not ignored.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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task achievement
The essay demonstrates an attempt to present both sides of the argument regarding government investment in the arts versus public services, but the development of ideas is limited. The candidate should expand on their ideas, providing more detailed explanations and explicitly stating their own opinion to fully address the question.
coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear and logical progression of ideas. Sentences and paragraphs appear fragmented, making the arguments hard to follow. The candidate should focus on organizing their arguments in a clear and logical order, ensuring that each paragraph has a central idea that is expanded upon with supporting details.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural enrichment
  • expression of creativity
  • promote diversity
  • enhance social cohesion
  • boost tourism
  • job creation
  • stimulate economic growth
  • improve quality of life
  • essential services
  • maintenance and development
What to do next:
Look at other essays: