The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant
The bar graph illustrates the proportion of Australian
people
who did regular physical
exercise
in 2010, analyzing in terms of gender and
age
group.
Overall
, the percentage of
people
doing
exercise
are very similar. Another significant feature is that
women
do more
exercise
than
men
in all
age
ranges, except for those below 24 and 65 or over. After 35 years old, male the older they got, the more
exercise
they did, in the
age
ranges 35 to 44, 45 to 54 and 55 to 64, the proportion of
people
who did
exercise
were 39.5%, 43.1% and 45.1% respectively.
While
the
number
of
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
doing
exercise
in these same
age
ranges remained relatively stable, between 52.5% and 53.3%. The only
age
range in which
men
did more
exercise
than
women
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
are the one from 15 to 24; 52.8% of
men
did
exercise
while
only 47.7% of
women
did physical activity, in the next
age
range, the
number
of male who did activity dropped dramatically by 10.6%
while
the
number
of
women
increased moderately to 48.9%.
Finally
, the
number
of
people
in the oldest
age
range who did
exercise
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
similar in both genders; 46.7% of
men
and 47.1% of
women
.
Submitted by elenazheng1211 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words people, exercise, age, women, men, number with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Percentage
  • Australian men
  • Australian women
  • Age groups
  • Regular physical activity
  • Participated
  • Increased
  • Decreased
  • Proportion
  • Physically active
  • Gender difference
  • Engaged
  • Exercise
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