The Government’s investment in arts, music and theatre is a waste of money. Government should invest these funds in public services instead .To what extent do you agree with the statements?
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There are many forms of art
such
as music and theatre that could give an additional quality and dimension in
our nation’s movement. Even though there is a group of citizen that reject a budget allocation to Change preposition
to
arts
for several reasons, there is still a community which push and hope the government would
bring money resources to the Wrong verb form
will
arts
. From my perspective, i
do not agree with a sentence that states the money should go to public services Change the capitalization
I
instead
to
the Change preposition
of
arts
sector.
There are several reasons why i
choose not to support the statement. The main Change the capitalization
I
reason
is as people live in a country we certainly have a huge amount of cultural variations like dances, folk music, and unique types of painting. These kinds of thing
need to be protected. The parliament ought to press the president through the Ministry of Art and deliver the urgencies to protect what we have as a population because Fix the agreement mistake
things
i
believe Change the capitalization
I
arts
has
been here hundred years ago and it contains a message for all of us to maintain and keep the stories heard to Change the verb form
have
our
next generation. Change the word
the
For example
, a few centuries ago we lived in the kingdom state
region. We were led by the king and it had important backstories of how our home was created. The demand to keep our culture safe and everlast Add a hyphen
kingdom-state
is become
the main Change to the active voice
becomes
has become
reason
why i
Change the capitalization
I
do
not Verb problem
am
inline
with the statement.
Correct your spelling
in line
Furthermore
, we ought to realise that arts
such
as our traditional cloths
or traditional foods could become diplomatic tools. In my point of view, we better stand strong among other nations, Correct your spelling
clothes
hence
, the spectrum of our culinaries
could be our weapon to become stronger. There are voices who say that we do not Correct your spelling
culinary
to
save our classic beverages because we could find those drinks easily. Change the verb form
apply
On the other hand
, we do not acknowledge that those particular things could help us in an important discussion between nations. For instance
, imagine if our president wears a traditional textile in
Change preposition
at
the
United Correct article usage
a
Nation
meeting and the president gives a speech Fix the agreement mistake
Nations
in
that occasion. That situation not only share our idea but Change preposition
on
also
our rich cultures. This
is another reason
why arts
could be our negotiation’s grease.
In conclusion, there is more than one reason
for the government to give monetary attention such
as to keep the heritage alive and use arts
as diplomatic tools. I remain on the same wavelength with an
idea to allocate a budget for Correct article usage
the
arts
.Submitted by sidneynatasha16 on
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coherence cohesion
Although you have presented a clear position and arguments throughout the essay, there are instances where language inaccuracies and lack of clarity affect the overall coherence. Work on refining your structure and providing clearer topic sentences to introduce your main points. Ensure that each paragraph has a central idea and that the supporting sentences relate directly to this idea to enhance coherence.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the task, presenting arguments and examples about why arts funding is important. However, the arguments can sometimes be difficult to follow due to language inaccuracies and a lack of explicit explanations. To improve task achievement, clearly address all parts of the prompt, including reasons for your opinion and developments for your ideas. Utilize specific examples that are directly relevant to the question asked and develop them fully to reinforce your points.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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