IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the average money spent per costumer on various types of equipment in a Canadian sports store

The chart below shows the average money spent per costumer on various types of equipment in a Canadian sports store
#money #costumer #equipment #canadian #sports #store
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The line graph shows how much money people who
lives
Change the verb form
live
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 in Canada have been spending their money between 2000 and 2020
with
Change preposition
on
show examples
 four different sports. The database for average is in local money from 0 dollars to 80 dollars. In general, in 2010 all sports had a big
changed
Replace the word
change
show examples
 in their activities. Football had a great increase after 2010, because before between 2000 and
2010
Add a comma
2010,
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 it had a slight decrease from $60 to $40,
however
Linking Words
,
aftter
Correct your spelling
after
this
Linking Words
 period it had a sharp increase and
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
5
years
Use synonyms
 later it got back
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
 same position of
origen
Correct your spelling
origin
.
In addition
Linking Words
, in 2020 it crossed the
margen
Correct your spelling
margin
60
Change preposition
of 60
show examples
 dollars and almost
got
Verb problem
reached
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 the high database. Another sport that had a good rise is swimming, it started
with
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at
show examples
 a little bit over
than
Change preposition
apply
show examples
$10 and over the
years
Use synonyms
 it got up finished
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
approximalety
Correct your spelling
approximately
 $30,
moreover
Linking Words
, it had a gradual increase without downs or breaks.
Althought
Correct your spelling
Although
, sports
as
Correct quantifier usage
such as
show examples
 tennis and rugby got down. Rugby had a nice
moviment
Correct your spelling
movement
moment
 in the
firts
Correct your spelling
first
years
Use synonyms
,
specially
Replace the word
especially
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 before 2010
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 when it
was rising
Wrong verb form
rose
show examples
 from $40 in 2000 to $60 in 2010,
therefore
Linking Words
, it had a sharp decrease and 5
years
Use synonyms
 later it moved back to the
begin
Replace the word
beginning
show examples
 with $40, and in 2020 it fell to almost $30. Tennis is the same situation,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
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 it just had a decrease,
staring
Correct your spelling
starting
show examples
 with a little bit more than $20 and
ended
Wrong verb form
ending
show examples
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
 almost $10 in 2020.
Submitted by cristina.gpereira on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words years with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 3 times.
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