IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that goverment should focus the spending only on public services, and they claim that spending on arts is a waste of money. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #goverment #focus #services #arts #waste #money
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Traffic and housing issues in major nations can be solved by getting
about
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apply
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large
companies
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 and factories and their employees to the rural
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
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.In my opinion,I certainly disagree with
this
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statment
Correct your spelling
statement
according to
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 the following
the
Correct article usage
apply
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reasons which are rural rights and
unempolyed
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unemployed
 will be increased.
Firstly
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, people who live in
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countryside
Correct article usage
the countryside
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 will lose their rights.To
but
Correct your spelling
put
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 it simply, when the
government
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move
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 all the
companies
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 to the
countryside
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 will be harmed by the traffic jam of the
companies
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.One clear example, if the
companies
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move
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 forward to
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countryside
Add an article
the countryside
show examples
,they may phase some issues as the environment and most
of
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apply
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farmers will be harmed by
air
Correct article usage
the air
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 pollution of
truck’s
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truck
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companies
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.
Hence
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, The
government
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 should not
move
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 their
companies
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 to them because
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countryside
Add an article
the countryside
show examples
 is known, it doesn’t have enough space to afford them ,
Linking Words
consequently
Add a comma
consequently,
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 that will be unfair to them.
Secondly
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,
unemployed
Replace the word
unemployment
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 will be increased significantly. To
illstrate
Correct your spelling
illustrate
,
some
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in some
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of
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apply
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countries
Add an article
the countries
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,if they
move
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 their
companies
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 with employees,the
govremment
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government
 might face
increase
Add an article
an increase
show examples
to
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in
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 the number of unemployed because some of them can not get
along with
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 the new style
life
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of life
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for
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in
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 the rural area.
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as
Capitalize word
As
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 a result, if the
government
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 moved their
employess
Correct your spelling
employees
 to The
countryside
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, They could have seen
companies
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loose
Replace the word
lose
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 and the number of
looses
Correct your spelling
losses
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 will
be yield
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yield
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 to them in
terrible
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a terrible
show examples
 way. In conclusion, I certainly disagree with
this
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 statement do you to rural rights and unemployed will increase. if the
government
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 moved if the
government
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 moved their
companies
Use synonyms
 and employees, they would
get
Verb problem
encounter
show examples
 a problem and maybe they could not find a solution for it.
Submitted by s_syedy on

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Task Achievement
Task Response: Your essay addresses the prompt to some extent, but it needs a more direct and clear stance on the issue. The introduction does not clearly state your position which leads to confusion. Remember to restate your opinion in the conclusion for clarity and impact. To improve, ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence stating the main idea and that you expand on this idea with relevant explanations or examples.
Coherence and Cohesion
Coherence and Cohesion: Your essay lacks a clear and logical progression of ideas. The use of linking words is limited, and paragraph structure needs improvement to make the argument more coherent. To enhance your score, focus on better paragraphing with clear and logical transitions between ideas. Aim to use a variety of cohesive devices to link sentences and paragraphs together more effectively.
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