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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart below illustrates the amount of time spent on various leisure activities by men and women in a given town in 2019.

The bar chart below illustrates the amount of time spent on various leisure activities by men and women in a given town in 2019.
#bar #amount #time #leisure #activities #men #women #town
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The bar chart indicates how much
time
Use synonyms
 men and women spent on numerous pastime activities in a town in 2019. Generally, it is clearly seen that the most preferred holiday activity was reading
books
Use synonyms
 by Chinese
tourists
Use synonyms
,
however
Linking Words
, they did not tend to visit
places
Use synonyms
 for recreation.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the number of
hours
Use synonyms
 spent on visiting
places
Use synonyms
 by Chinese
tourists
Use synonyms
 accounted for just one
while
Linking Words
time
Use synonyms
 spent reading
books
Use synonyms
 reached a peak of 8
hours
Use synonyms
 in 2019. Regarding visiting the
beach
Use synonyms
 as a leisure activity in a town, it comprised 3
hours
Use synonyms
 during the year. With regards to the amount of
time
Use synonyms
 spent on reading
books
Use synonyms
 by American
tourists
Use synonyms
 was half of the total
hours
Use synonyms
, and following, visiting
places
Use synonyms
 and spending
time
Use synonyms
 at the
beach
Use synonyms
 was 5
hours
Use synonyms
 and 3
hours
Use synonyms
 with the respective.
However
Linking Words
, Brazilian
tourists
Use synonyms
 were interested in visiting the
beach
Use synonyms
 and spent 6
hours
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 the number of
hours
Use synonyms
 spent on reading
books
Use synonyms
 and visiting
places
Use synonyms
 was half of the total
hours
Use synonyms
 and 2
hours
Use synonyms
, respectively.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, Turkish
tourists
Use synonyms
 experienced modest
hours
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 by reading
books
Use synonyms
 for just 5
hours
Use synonyms
, and other activities (at the
beach
Use synonyms
, visiting
places
Use synonyms
) accounted for 4
hours
Use synonyms
 and 3
hours
Use synonyms
, respectively.
Submitted by yusifakhmad on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however, while".
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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words time, books, tourists, places, hours, beach with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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