These days, more and more people move away from the area where they were born and brought up when they become adults. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Nowadays, there is an increasing number of young adults who decide to move away from the
place
they have grown up. As
my personal knowledge, the younger generation Change preposition
From
have
always had a desire and curiosity to see places and achieve more than their parents.
The advantages of moving to a different Change the verb form
has
place
can facilitate opportunities of studying
in
specific schools and get a desired education especially, a degree. What is more, moving to big cities Change preposition
to study
most
likely to be helpful in finding a job for those who are new in the workforce or want to work for large companies and Add a missing verb
is most
need
acquire experience in specific professions.
The disadvantages of moving away from family and friends to a city or town can be challenging both emotionally and financially. Add the particle
need to
For example
, those who travel away from home, especially from smaller villages, could experience cultural shock or even discrimination from the modernized society especially in metropolitan areas. Therefore
, they may become lonely and homesick due to
the difficulties of creating or finding new social networks. In addition
, many who decide to live in an expensive town or city, away from family, could experience financial hardship and may have to tighten up their budget to an extent which may be very inconvenient and stressful.
In conclusion, those who decide to move away from the place
where they were born to achieve a goal may outweigh the negative experiences of moving to another place
.Submitted by Andrea Barreto on
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coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, ensure a clear and consistent ordering of ideas, aiding the reader's understanding with topic sentences, transitional phrases, and paragraphing that indicates shifts in focus.
task achievement
Revisit the task and ensure that a balanced argument is presented. While the essay addresses both sides of the argument, the conclusion should more clearly reflect a weighing of advantages against disadvantages to satisfy the task achievement criteria.
coherence cohesion
Include a wider range of linking words and phrases to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs. Overuse of simplistic connectors can make the writing appear less sophisticated.
task achievement
To improve task achievement, delve deeper into the topic with more detailed examples and explanations that are directly relevant to the question posed.
task achievement
While you have provided some examples, aim to include more specific and detailed instances to reinforce your points. This will help in illustrating your argument and making your essay more persuasive.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.