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Writing Samples
Band 5

in many developing countries ,there is a problem with decline quality of air and water from both industry and construction .what measures could be taken to prevent this ?

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Human needs and wants lead to new advancements in technology. The developments in industries and constructions cause detrimental effects
to
Change preposition
on
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 the
quality
Use synonyms
 of
air
Use synonyms
 and
water
Use synonyms
 in many developing nations. To avoid
such
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 adversities, it is crucial for both the society and the
government
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 of the nations to take immediate measures and
this
Linking Words
 essay will explain the solution. It is not a hidden secret that, in the chase for increasing economy and
quality
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 of life in their country, everyone
are
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is
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adapting
Correct your spelling
adopting
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 many new technologies and encouraging industrialization.
However
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,
this
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 is leading to many consequences
such
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 as
increase
Add an article
an increase
the increase
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 in
pollution
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 and
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quality
Correct article usage
the quality
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 of basic necessities
such
Linking Words
 as breathing
air
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 and drinking
water
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 and causing many deaths.
For instance
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,
people
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 from an Indian village consumed polluted
water
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 which was contaminated by the discharge from the factory
near
Rephrase
nearby
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by
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apply
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which
effected
Correct your spelling
affected
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 their health conditions detrimentally. And same goes for
the
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apply
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constructions
Fix the agreement mistake
construction
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, as it release a lot of carbon that was present in cement and concrete, which is later inhaled by the workers and common
people
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. It is high time that the
government
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 took
responsibilities
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responsibility
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 into its
hands
Correct word choice
own hands
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 and
made
Verb problem
took
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 necessary actions to regulate
this
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. The
officials
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 should start organising the places and areas
accordingly
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 by measuring the
Air
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Quality
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 Index and
Water
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Quality
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 Index of the places and
appoint
Wrong verb form
appointing
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 workers. These
people
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 are required not only to assist in conducting campaigns in
those area
Change the determiner
that area
those areas
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 so that the residents of the cities and towns get aware of the situations and their impedent problems, but
also
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 to evaluate the pollutants and carbon emissions from factories,
construction
Correct word choice
and construction
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 sites to report back to the
government
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.
This
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 helps the higher
officials
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 to understand and plan how to regulate
the
Correct article usage
apply
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pollution
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.
Moreover
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, it is crucial for the citizens to cooperate with
the
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apply
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government
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officials
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 and start taking recommended measures to help fight
with
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apply
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pollution
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 in the country.
To conclude
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Correct pronoun usage
apply
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this
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, as the concern over
decrease
Add an article
the decrease
show examples
 in
Use synonyms
quality
Correct article usage
the quality
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 of
air
Use synonyms
 and
water
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
industry and construction increases in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
developing countries, it is important for both the
people
Use synonyms
 and the
officials
Use synonyms
the
Change preposition
of the
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 nation to take action together to fight against
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
pollution
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 by regulating
emission
Add an article
the emission
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 of carbon and waste discharges.

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coherence cohesion
The essay would benefit from a clearer structure, with distinct introductory, body, and conclusion paragraphs. Each paragraph should have a clear central idea, which is then elaborated upon.
coherence cohesion
The main points require more comprehensive development. Ideas could be strengthened with the addition of more specific examples, statistics or reports to support the argument.
task achievement
For a higher score in task achievement, ensure that all parts of the prompt are directly addressed with relevant points. Consistently link the ideas back to the prompt question to demonstrate complete task response.
coherence cohesion
To make the content more compelling, incorporate varied sentence structures, and a wider vocabulary to convey your points effectively, avoiding repetition of words and phrases.
task achievement
Add more precise examples; real-world scenarios involving particular studies or environmental reports would enhance your argument and show a deeper understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Though the essay presents a proper introduction and conclusion, both could be fine-tuned to establish a strong thesis in the introduction and succinctly summarize key points in the conclusion.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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