IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

The most important aim of science should be to improve people’s lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#aim #science #people’s #lives
Nowadays, many countries in
this
 world era in a race to achieve their aim with science. The key to many problems humans face is science to reduce hunger,
finding
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find
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 new cures and create a better economy. There is a
cruical
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crucial
critical
arguments
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argument
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 that
puplic
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public
 should have
the
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apply
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priority and the essential goal of
scientist
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scientists
show examples
 should make humans live better. In
this
essay
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essay,
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i
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I
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 will examine why
i
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I
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 agree with
this
statment
Correct your spelling
statement
.
To begin
 with, the
scientist
's development benefits the
people
's
live
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lives
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. Many invented cures and discoveries of technology bring
people
 to a new era.
For example
,
hundred
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a hundred
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 years ago, someone who
has
Verb problem
was
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 infected by the flu clse to
die
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died
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 because of the lack of cures and no knowledge about them.
However
,
scientist
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scientists
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 invented Antibiotics that make us adapt
with
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to
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 the flu.
As a result
,
scientist
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scientists
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 make us safe.
Furthermore
, there are many countries
especially
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, especially
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 in Africa and Asia suffer from
an
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apply
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invalid lands for agriculture but scientists took their science and knowledge advantages to help poor lands to make them valid.
For Instance
, there are many
people
 and lands that benefit from the invention of the
scientist
 and change their
live
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lives
show examples
. In conclusion,
people
 should be aware
with
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of
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 the benefits that
scientist
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scientists
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made
Verb problem
have
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 and be
appreciate
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appreciative
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with
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of
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.
Correct pronoun usage
them.
show examples
 Without
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scientists
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scientist
Add a comma
scientist,
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 the world will end.
Submitted by mostafaalagamy61 on

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coherence cohesion
Your introduction is clear, but it lacks a properly developed thesis statement that outlines your main points. The organization of your arguments is adequate; however, there is room for improvement in ensuring that each paragraph logically follows the previous one. Make sure to use a range of cohesive devices effectively.
task achievement
While you have addressed the task and presented some relevant ideas, the essay does not fully develop these ideas. More detailed explanations and more specific examples would strengthen your argument. Make sure you clearly express your opinion throughout the essay, not just in the conclusion. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph focused on a single idea that is clearly elaborated upon to meet the task requirements thoroughly.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial role
  • enhancing
  • quality of human life
  • advancements
  • medicine
  • healthcare
  • scientific research
  • solving societal problems
  • improving living standards
  • global issues
  • climate change
  • food scarcity
  • technological advancements
  • limitations
  • negative consequences
  • ethical considerations
  • sustainability
  • environmental preservation
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