In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

In many countries, the
population
of the countryside has been decreasing because rural residents leave for cities. I believe
this
is a negative development because it affects
businesses
and the
education
of
students
in rural areas. The reducing number for
population
of the countryside could bring challenges to local
businesses
because the revenue of local stores would relatively decrease.
For example
, more and more supermarkets in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
rural
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
of Malaysia are closed down because of the lack of local consumers, which causes hardship for the remaining residents to maintain their necessities.
As a result
, the local
businesses
could meet the challenges of the declining trend of rural residents.
Further
,
students
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
the rural area might
also
face the issue of
education
, since the fact that the poor number of
students
might cause a poor quality of
education
.
For instance
, some of the rural schools in Taiwan have only a few teachers, which means those local
students
would find it harder to receive a wide range of options than urban
students
for fostering their interests and skills.
As a consequence
, the declining
population
is harmful to the
education
of local
students
. In conclusion, I believe the decreasing
population
of the countryside is a negative development as it causes challenges for local
businesses
and rural student’s
education
. People should put effort into
this
issue to ensure rural residents’ lives.
Submitted by bookcool5 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
The essay presents a structured response with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, the main points could be emphasized more effectively through the use of cohesive devices and a logical progression of ideas.
task achievement
The response addresses the question and presents a clear opinion, but it could benefit from a deeper exploration of the issue with more varied examples and further elaboration on the implications of the population shift.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural-to-urban migration
  • population shift
  • positive impact
  • negative impact
  • urbanization
  • job opportunities
  • access to education
  • access to healthcare
  • urban infrastructure
  • rural traditions
  • cultural heritage
What to do next:
Look at other essays: