Some people say that teenagers should work part-time and earn money. This way they will l earn basic lessons about work and become more disciplined. Others argue that teenagers shouldn’t sacrifice their rest and after-school activities to work. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
In our contemporary era, it has been debated whether someone is supposed to
work
during the study. The majority of the
society Correct article usage
apply
believe
that it is good practice to receive some knowledge and might improve other Correct subject-verb agreement
believes
skills
while
others think that the time after school is a leisure time for breaks and activities. To examine both ways of understanding, this
essay will examine both points of view and give my view.
Some elementary skills
in career planning are of the essence. First and foremost, part-time work
teaches students to be more responsible and how they should behave in
the job. Change preposition
on
Moreover
, students might be learned
how they should Wrong verb form
learn
work
, which
aspects Correct word choice
and which
is
crucial in their job. Change the verb form
are
For instance
, they will know what certainly must be ready in a certain period of time. In addition
, communication skills
play a key role as a result
, youngsters learn to communicate with everyone. For example
, this
ability would help young employees assist guests or tourists especially, if they work
in the tourism sphere. Obviously, the
communication Correct article usage
apply
skills
teach the young generation to work
in tandem, make new friends and develop networks. Thus
, this
aspect influences their future careers and plans.
On the other hand
, teenagers are under pressure at school because of different tasks and exams. This
aspect makes youngsters more stressed, and they should release this
negative feeling. For instance
, teenagers can join to
different sources Change preposition
apply
such
as,
music, sports, painting, cooking so forth. Remove the comma
apply
Furthermore
, some students plan to carry on their future education, and they want to go to tutorials to supply extra lessons.
To sum up
, both points of view have pros and cons depending on some situations. I firmly agree that every student should decide whether they want to work
or not, and choose a more advantageous options
on the assumption of their Correct the article-noun agreement
a more advantageous option
more advantageous options
willings
and schedule.Replace the word
willingness
Submitted by abdurahimov03 on
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Coherence & Cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, try to ensure that each paragraph seamlessly flows into the next, using a variety of linking words and phrases that signal the relationship between ideas, rather than repeating the same conjunctions. Additionally, make sure that there are clear topic sentences that introduce the main idea of each paragraph, followed by supporting sentences and a conclusion or transition that wraps up the point before moving on.
Task Achievement
In terms of task response, you addressed both viewpoints and provided a personal opinion, which is good. However, to score higher, make sure to fully develop your ideas with more specific and relevant examples. This will show that you can illustrate and support your points effectively. Additionally, your essay would benefit from a deeper exploration of the implications or consequences of each viewpoint. Remember to directly compare the two sides rather than merely presenting them sequentially.
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