Some people believe that education and healthcare should be free of charge and funded by the government. Others think that it should be the responsibility of the people to pay for these services. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Opinions are
devided
Correct your spelling
divided
on whether the fees of
education
and
healthcare
system be paid by the
government
or should it be the
civilians
' responsibility
of being
Change preposition
to be
show examples
in charge
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
the payments. From my perspective,
while
the opinion on having the fees funded by the
government
is agreeable,
ones'
Change noun form
one's
show examples
responsibility of paying for their own
education
and
healthcare
services should not be neglected as
it's
Correct your spelling
its
show examples
merits are far more beneficial. On the one hand, the authority should cover either totally or partially the costs of
education
or
healthcare
systems that are public or being operated by them.
To begin
with, public
education
or medical institutions' income mostly
come
Change the verb form
comes
show examples
from the money of
civilians
paying for social
insurances
Fix the agreement mistake
insurance
show examples
such
as medical or
education
which are always sold by the
government
.
Therefore
, residents who have already afforded these insurances should not be charged whenever they use public services.
In addition
, the taxes collected from other factors
such
as real
estates
Fix the agreement mistake
estate
show examples
, personal income, transactions and many more should
also
be used to fund the expenses of these systems.
This
is
due to
the fact that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
civilians
have already paid a huge sum of assets to the
government
and those
residental
Correct your spelling
residential
taxes account for a huge part of a nation's treasury, making it a reliable and consistent source of money to operate
education
and medical systems.
On the other hand
, individuals should not show negligence of their own payments as their obligation
play
Correct subject-verb agreement
plays
show examples
quite a significant role in the nation's affairs. First and foremost,
civilians
, especially those who want to be educated and treated in a good environment, should pay for their own charges because there are many companies
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
do not have a connection to the authority, so they need their customers' money to be their main source of income. An exemplary case to discuss is that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
private universities like MIT or Harvard have higher tuition fees compared to the other public schools. Still, they offer
wider
Add an article
a wider
show examples
range of courses and lectures with the most qualified teaching
staffs
Fix the agreement mistake
staff
show examples
within the US, making private institutions far more advantageous than their counterparts.
As a result
, students will be fostered and educated to the level of being proficient in a specific field, producing a more professional workforce for the country,
thus
, boosting
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
national
economical
Correct word choice
economic
show examples
growth. In conclusion,
while
having the costs of
education
and
healthcare
funded by the authority might be
a
Change the article
apply
show examples
reasonable, the
responsiblity
Correct your spelling
responsibility
of the people to pay for these services themselves will bring back more merits. From my point of view, funded
education
and
healthcare
institutions will not be as constructive as those private ones for countries'
benefits
Fix the agreement mistake
benefit
show examples
.
Submitted by huynhlenguyen20052007 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
You have presented a balanced view, discussing both sides of the argument and offering your own opinion, which is good for task achievement. However, to reach a higher band, ensure that your response directly addresses all parts of the task prompt throughout the essay, being sure to provide clear and relevant examples that directly support your main points. Avoid ambiguity in presenting your stance.
coherence cohesion
Your logical structure needs improvement. There are clear paragraphs which is good, but transitions between ideas could be smoother. Use a wider range of cohesive devices and topic sentences to make the progression of your argument more apparent. Also, work on concluding paragraphs so they effectively summarise the essay and restate your opinion.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!