The uses of violence in music lyric, video games and films seen by children is causing concern in many societies. What problems may be caused by this type of violent imagery, and what steps could be taken to lessen the impact on young people?

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Nowadays, producers of

films

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video

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games

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, and

music

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lyrics

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intend to affect youngsters with the immoral and savage content of their products.

This

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would cause numerous concerns in many communities about adolescence. The causes of

this

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appear to be focused on two problems and a number of solutions which will be discussed in the essay. The most devastating

problem

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of displaying cruel and vicious concepts in media

such

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video

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games

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music

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lyrics

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, and

films

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might be children's mental disease. By

this

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, we mean that aggressive content can increase the

violence

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in their

behavior

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behaviour

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For example

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, youths can quickly absorb harmful and cruel products which

leads

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lead

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to committing unsocial

behaviors

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behaviours

show examples

and mental disorders. Another much-discussed

problem

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is bringing up youngsters. Because

violence

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concept might have an undeniably harmful impact on raising teens.

This

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problem

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brings about misleading young people in the right manner.

For instance

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, young people choose role models in their life from

films

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This

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can influence their right conduct. And

this

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may be influence on their growing up. Possibly the main solution to

this

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problem

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is to aware youth of producers’ policies. By

this

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, we mean that they should be trained by authorities and families that the

violence

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music

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lyrics

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and

video

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games

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is used just to raise income and popularity.

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, parents should let their children use

this

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type of hobby at a conventional

age

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. Youths should be at maturity

age

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and know these hobbies should not affect them.

For example

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, parents should set a reasonable

age

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for their child to watch or listen to aggressive concepts in media and how they can direct their emotions to

this

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entertainment. In conclusion, the main problems seem to bring up young people and injure their mental health through aggressive entertainment. The key solution would be warning children about producers' policies and their ordinary

age

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to use

violence

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music

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lyrics

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video

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games

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, and

films

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TUTOOSun Nov 26 2023

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coherence cohesion

Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and transitions smoothly to the next. Avoid abrupt shifts or tangents that can disrupt the flow of your writing.

coherence cohesion

Although you have an introduction and conclusion, they need to be stronger and more focused on summarizing the main points of your essay. Your introduction should clearly state the problems and solutions you will discuss, while your conclusion should effectively summarize your arguments.

coherence cohesion

Your points need better support through more detailed explanations, developed arguments, or specific examples. Each point should be clearly connected to the larger argument of the essay.

task achievement

You've addressed the task reasonably well, but your response should match the question more precisely. Do not deviate from the main topic, and ensure that each paragraph directly contributes to answering the question.

task achievement

Expand on your ideas to make them thorough and comprehensively address the problems and solutions related to the topic. Simple statements need to be expanded into fully reasoned and supported arguments.

task achievement

Use specific, concrete examples to illustrate your points. These examples should be relevant to the topic and help substantiate your arguments. Avoid vague statements or generalizations that don't directly support your ideas.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

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5
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
8
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

316 words

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The uses of violence in music lyric, video games and films seen by children is causing concern in many societies. What problems may be caused by this type of violent imagery, and what steps could be taken to lessen the impact on young people?

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

People can eat a wide variety of food that can be grown in other areas. As a result, people eat more food produced in other regions than that only locally made. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

The most important aim of science should be to improve people’s lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

With growing number of populations in cities, many people are living in small homes that don't have outdoor spaces. Is this a positive or negative development.

In many countries, the number of people suffering from stress is increasing. What do you think are the causes of this problem and what measures could be taken to tackle it?