The uses of violence in music lyric, video games and films seen by children is causing concern in many societies. What problems may be caused by this type of violent imagery, and what steps could be taken to lessen the impact on young people?

Nowadays, producers of
films
,
video
games
, and
music
lyrics
intend to affect youngsters with the immoral and savage content of their products.
This
would cause numerous concerns in many communities about adolescence. The causes of
this
appear to be focused on two problems and a number of solutions which will be discussed in the essay. The most devastating
problem
of displaying cruel and vicious concepts in media
such
as
video
games
,
music
lyrics
, and
films
might be children's mental disease. By
this
, we mean that aggressive content can increase the
violence
in their
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
.
For example
, youths can quickly absorb harmful and cruel products which
leads
Change the verb form
lead
show examples
to committing unsocial
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
and mental disorders. Another much-discussed
problem
is bringing up youngsters. Because
violence
concept might have an undeniably harmful impact on raising teens.
This
problem
brings about misleading young people in the right manner.
For instance
, young people choose role models in their life from
films
.
This
can influence their right conduct. And
this
may be influence on their growing up. Possibly the main solution to
this
problem
is to aware youth of producers’ policies. By
this
, we mean that they should be trained by authorities and families that the
violence
in
music
lyrics
and
video
games
is used just to raise income and popularity.
Furthermore
, parents should let their children use
this
type of hobby at a conventional
age
. Youths should be at maturity
age
and know these hobbies should not affect them.
For example
, parents should set a reasonable
age
for their child to watch or listen to aggressive concepts in media and how they can direct their emotions to
this
entertainment. In conclusion, the main problems seem to bring up young people and injure their mental health through aggressive entertainment. The key solution would be warning children about producers' policies and their ordinary
age
to use
violence
in
music
lyrics
,
video
games
, and
films
.
Submitted by TUTOO on

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coherence cohesion
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coherence cohesion
Although you have an introduction and conclusion, they need to be stronger and more focused on summarizing the main points of your essay. Your introduction should clearly state the problems and solutions you will discuss, while your conclusion should effectively summarize your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your points need better support through more detailed explanations, developed arguments, or specific examples. Each point should be clearly connected to the larger argument of the essay.
task achievement
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task achievement
Expand on your ideas to make them thorough and comprehensively address the problems and solutions related to the topic. Simple statements need to be expanded into fully reasoned and supported arguments.
task achievement
Use specific, concrete examples to illustrate your points. These examples should be relevant to the topic and help substantiate your arguments. Avoid vague statements or generalizations that don't directly support your ideas.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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