IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Shops should not be allowed to sell any foods or drinks that have been scientifically proven to be bad for people’s health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Recently, the issue
has
Correct pronoun usage
that has
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 been brought into focus is that
foods
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 and
drinks
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 which consist of elements that have been scientifically proven are still sold in many places. It can have a lot of detrimental effects on consumer’s
health
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 when they eat them for a long time.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is important to remove the supplements that contain factors which not scientifically proven in shops. No one can deny the fact that most people nowadays are
health
Use synonyms
 conscious. They focus more time on working out regularly to stay in shape
as well as
Linking Words
 have a balanced diet with basic and natural ingredients. Unless supplements and shops must supply products that have additions that are no danger to
health
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, they will receive a boycott against those
foods
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 or
drinks
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. The most familiar example of
this
Linking Words
 is consumers now already spend double
price
Correct article usage
the price
show examples
 for organic
foods
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 that gown without artificial fertilizers or pesticides.
However
Linking Words
, defining what matters that are harmful to
health
Use synonyms
 is fairly difficult so people must curb the convenience
foods
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 and
drinks
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. It can
also
Linking Words
 argued that if
Correct article usage
the manufacture
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manufacture
Replace the word
manufacturer
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 produces a good that has been proven to improve
health
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 by scholars
this
Linking Words
 product can be easy to sell. Making high standards for
foods
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 and
drinks
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 can
expanded
Wrong verb form
expand
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 market business.
As a result
Linking Words
, it could promote economic progress and society. A better example of
this
Linking Words
 can be best provided by dietary supplements from the USA being overvalued in the world, and the safety threshold of chemical components in the products from organizations in America becoming the norm in many parts of the world.
However
Linking Words
, consumers should not only concentrate on the ingredients of
foods
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 and beverages but
also
Linking Words
 focus on the various and frequent kinds of food to have good
health
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. In summary, shops should sell products that have been scientifically proven because of people’s
health
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 and sustainable progress of economic.

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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic which is developed logically. Transitions between sentences and paragraphs should be smooth and ideas should be linked in a way that makes the essay easy to follow. Use a range of cohesive devices appropriately and accurately.
task achievement
In terms of task response, you need to address all parts of the task with sufficient development, including a clear position throughout the response and an appropriate conclusion. Make sure to extend and support your main points with specific details or examples. Your response should show a balance between general statements and specific reasons, examples, and details.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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