You have seen an advertisement in an Australian magazine for someone to live with a family for six months and look after their six-year-old child.

#advertisement #australian #magazine #someone #six #months #child

Dear Madam, I am writing to apply for the job of looking after the six-year-old child, as I saw the advertisement was posted in an Australian magazine

last

week. I have worked in a public elementary school for over 20 years. Plus, after retiring, I still care for young kids at my home, which gives a hand reinforcement to my

neighbors

Change the spelling

neighbours

show examples

. Above my experience, I should be the best candidate among these job applicants. I have a passion and great patience in getting on well with all kids with all kinds of personalities.

Nonetheless

, I can teach several tutoring lessons,

such

as drawing and reading pictural books, which do not charge an additional fee.

Moreover

, I am available for all-time childcare and cook simple but nutritious food for kids.

Also

, I learned musical therapy to help children pay more attention to exposure, whether drawing or reading. I decided to visit my cousin who lives in Australia, and I will stop by roughly six months or one year to explore the new culture.

Thus

, I can either stay at my cousin's home and commute to your place or stay at your home to provide 7/24 services as you need. I look forward to hearing back from you. Yours faithfully, Sherry Chang

Submitted by aa0963178783 on Sun Nov 26 2023

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Task Achievement

Your essay clearly addresses the topic, but lacks detail in some examples and in the comprehensiveness of the overall response, which affects Task Achievement. Ensure to elaborate on your examples sufficiently and to include all relevant details to fully satisfy the task requirements. Dive deeper into your experiences, perhaps by describing specific situations where your skills made a difference in child care.

Coherence and Cohesion

While your essay maintains basic cohesion, more varied cohesive devices and clearer paragraphing could enhance it. It is advisable to use a wider range of linking words and phrases to show the relationship between ideas. Additionally, ensure each main point starts a new paragraph to improve readability and logical flow.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Grammar mistakes
 

7 paragraphs

210 words

5.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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You have seen an advertisement in an Australian magazine for someone to live with a family for six months and look after their six-year-old child.

Fully explain your ideas

Smoking not only harms the smoker, but also people nearby. Therefore, smoking should be banned in public places. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

Disruptive school children have negative influence on others. students who are noisy and disobedient should be grouped together and taught separately. Do you agree or disagree with this view

Some people argue that the government should spend money only on medical care and education but not on theatres or sports stadiums. Do you agree or disagree?

7. In some countries, parents expect children to spend long time studying both in and after school, and have less free time. Do you think it has the positive or negative effects on children and society?

Many countries aim to improve their living standard by economic development, but some important social values are lost as a result. Do you think the advantages of economic development outweigh the disadvantages?