Smoking not only harms the smoker, but also people nearby. Therefore, smoking should be banned in public places. To what extend do you agree or disagree?
Cigarettes
have been controvercial
among Correct your spelling
controversial
population
since smoking harms the one who smokes Add an article
the population
as well as
people around the person. For
this
reason, individual's opinion if cigars
should be allowed or prohibited in public areas is varied. From my point of view, it is decent to be banned in the
society as a rule. Correct article usage
apply
This
essay provides the reasons why this
idea is agreeable.
First of all, the health issue related to smoking strongly contributes to the concept of the
prohibition because all civilians are responsible to each other in Correct article usage
apply
community
. Correct article usage
the community
This
responsibility can be seen in other cases. For instance
, in case
of some Correct article usage
the case
drugs
such
as cocane
or Correct your spelling
cocaine
mariwana
, those are banned Correct your spelling
marijuana
marina
to be
imported as a law in several countries, Change preposition
from being
while
there are countless and unstoppable crimes unobaying
the law and selling of Correct your spelling
obeying
drugs
to civil. The reason why governments enforce the law is to not harm own
population. The order can be adapted to Correct pronoun usage
their own
cigarettes
as well since the structure of cigarettes
is same
as other Correct article usage
the same
drugs
in terms of the viewpoint that it gives
worse impacts on human health.
Verb problem
has
In addition
, smoking could be a cause of fire
disaster
because it utilizes Fix the agreement mistake
disasters
fire
to smoke. Of course, when it comes to electoric cigars
which does
not need Change the verb form
do
fire
, this
reason cannot reinforce the agreement as reasonable
as in Change the word
reasonably
case
of tobacco which needs Correct article usage
the case
fire
. Yet, as long as there is an
possibility to burn things Change the article
a
aroung
Correct your spelling
around
cigars
, it is hard to deny the rule banning cigarettes
in public places.
To sum up
, I significantly agree with the social norm to prohibit civic
population from smoking in the community, and Correct article usage
the civic
this
is because cigars
can be thought of as a
same case of other banned Correct article usage
the
drugs
which are harmful to humankind. Moreover
, it contains the danger and possibility of fire
incidents and a
devastating trouble to lots of people around the smoker.Remove the article
apply
Submitted by yuritnaka1217 on
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coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is somewhat present, but there are instances of disorganization that affect the clarity of argumentation.
coherence cohesion
While there is a discernible introduction and conclusion, the opening fails to clearly paraphrase the question and outline the essay, and the conclusion seems rushed and does not effectively summarize the main points.
coherence cohesion
Your main points are somewhat supported by explanations, yet the essay would benefit from the inclusion of more specific examples and evidence to strengthen your argument.
task achievement
The response to the task is adequate but does not fully develop a clear position throughout the essay. The thesis statement could be clearer and the arguments should be more fully expanded to comprehensive ideas.
task achievement
The essay includes some relevant ideas, yet they need to be articulated more comprehensively. Refinement and expansion of these ideas can result in a more convincing argument.
task achievement
While there are attempts to use specific examples, they are not always relevant or fully illustrative of the point being made. Incorporating more pertinent and detailed examples can enhance the essay's persuasiveness.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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