Some people think that subjects like arts, music, drama and creative writing contribute more towards a child's overall development. The school curriculum should provide more time for these subjects to be taught if the school wants the all-round development of children. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Nowadays,
children
are more intersted
in various Correct your spelling
interested
type
of fields, so numerous people think that Fix the agreement mistake
types
subjects
like arts, music, darma
and Correct your spelling
drama
creative
contribute more towards a child’s Replace the word
creativity
overall
development. They believe schools
curriculum Change noun form
schools'
school's
provide
more Correct subject-verb agreement
provides
time
for these subjects
to be taught if the schools
wants
the all-round development of Change the verb form
want
children
. I am agree
with Change the verb form
agree
statement
. In Add an article
the statement
this
essay, I will explain all points in detail.
Firstly
, some children
are not intersted
in Correct your spelling
interested
study
so that like other things like singing, painting, Wrong verb form
studying
dance
, Wrong verb form
dancing
acting
. I explain it, some Correct word choice
and acting
students
are feeling bored then
they do Correct article usage
the same
same
work on Correct your spelling
some
daily
basis so Add an article
a daily
schools
add some curriculum acitivity
for Correct your spelling
activity
students
and arranging
some events so Wrong verb form
arrange
chlidren
are Correct your spelling
children
performe
Correct your spelling
performed
performing
their
. Correct the word
theirs
For example
, as per a report of
WHO, Change preposition
by
children
mind Change noun form
children's
more
shared and developed Add a missing verb
are more
then
do extra activity in Correct your spelling
they
schools
and they learn Fix the agreement mistake
school
time
managing
skill. Replace the word
management
For
Change preposition
Hence
hence
, the government add the
Remove the article
apply
some
subject Correct your spelling
same
in
Change preposition
to
study
so that Add an article
the study
children
take benefits.
On the other hand
, The goverments
added these Correct your spelling
governments
government
subjects
as a elective
Correct the article-noun agreement
an elective subject
elective subjects
subjects
, because some students
taste is different and they choose Change noun form
student's
students'
acording
to Correct your spelling
according
own
taste. The Correct pronoun usage
their own
schools
have limited time
for study and these activity
, Change the determiner
this activity
these activities
schools
proper
manage times without Change the word
properly
strugling
of Correct your spelling
struggling
sylabus
of Correct your spelling
syllabus
students
they have limited time
. As per a survey of
BBC new, every year Change preposition
by
thousand
of Correct your spelling
thousands
children
failed
and mental depression because Wrong verb form
fail
school
Correct article usage
the school
schedule
so Fix the agreement mistake
schedules
much
Correct quantifier usage
many
headace
and Correct your spelling
headaches
students
have
limited Verb problem
are
to done
the Change preposition
in doing
assignment
.
In conclusion, It is arts, Fix the agreement mistake
assignments
musicm
drama and creative writing Correct your spelling
music
is
good for Correct subject-verb agreement
are
students
Change noun form
students'
student's
overall
development. But if they
Correct your spelling
the
student
choose based on Fix the agreement mistake
students
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
interest
Fix the agreement mistake
interests
so
they perform better and Correct word choice
apply
improved
Change the form of the verb
improve
overall
growth.Submitted by lavneet.kumar45 on
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task achievement
The essay does address the topic, but the ideas are not fully developed or extended. To get a higher score, work on expanding the ideas with clear explanations and supporting them with specific examples and evidence from studies, reports or personal experiences.
coherence cohesion
The essay's structure is recognizable, but it lacks clear coherence due to frequent grammatical errors and ambiguous connections between ideas. To improve, ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that the sentences within each paragraph logically follow one another. Use cohesive devices effectively to connect ideas and paragraphs.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.