IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The first chart below gives information about the money spent by British parents on their children’s sports between 2008 and 2014. The second chart shows the number of children who participated in three sports in Britain over the same time period.

The first chart below gives information about the money spent by British parents on their children’s sports between 2008 and 2014. The second chart shows the number of children who participated in three sports in Britain over the same time period.
#first #information #money #british #parents #children’s #sports #second #children #three #britain #time #period
The given line graphs illustrate the data on the amount of
many
Correct your spelling
money
show examples
spending
Replace the word
spent
show examples
by British parents over six years on their
children
's sports.
In addition
, It
also
 describes
about
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
the number of
student
Change to a plural noun
students
show examples
participated
Correct pronoun usage
who participated
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
football
, swimming and athletics from 2008 to 2014.
Overall
, It can be seen that the average monthly spend on
children
's sports increased gradually during the given period,
while
 the number of
children
 who took part in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
football
, swimming and athletics had a significant increase.
Furthermore
,
football
 was the most popular sport
choose
Wrong verb form
chosen
show examples
 by the
children
.
To begin
 with, from 200 8 the average amount of money
spending
Change the form of the verb
spent
show examples
 by parents
as
Add a missing verb
is as
show examples
 much as 20
Pounds
.
this
 figure
then
 increased gradually after the following years with about 25
pounds
, 28
Pounds
 and almost 35
Pounds
 in 2010, 2012,
2014
Correct word choice
and 2014
show examples
, respectively. In terms of the quantity of
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 joining in the three kinds of sports, roughly 7,5
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
children
 in 2008
interested
Add a missing verb
were interested
show examples
 in
football
.
This
 figure
then
 rose to almost 10
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 people in 2014.
Additionally
, the number of
student
Change to a plural noun
students
show examples
 participating in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
athletics in 2014 grew
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
almost
fifth fold
Correct your spelling
fivefold
show examples
 during
given
Correct article usage
a given
show examples
 period. Swimming which
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
started in second place with almost 2,5
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
children
 in 2008 only rose double to just under 5
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
children
 which was the
less
Rephrase
least
show examples
 popular sport among those.
Submitted by musa.nuwa on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words children, football, pounds, millions with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "gradually" was used 2 times.
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