The bar chart below shows shares of expenditures for five major categories in the United States, Canada, the United Kingdom, and Japan in 2009.

The bar chart below shows shares of expenditures for five major categories in the United States, Canada, the United Kingdom, and Japan in 2009.
The spending amount of money in five highly developed countries in 2009 is illustrated in the bar chart. On the whole, it can be clearly seen that housing made up the biggest expenditure
while
health care and clothing shared a similar account. As
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
illustrated in the picture, domestic budgeting constituted more than 20
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
in all countries. America, the highest country, witnessed more than a-fourth. The United Kingdom saw just below 25
percent
while
Japan and Canada were 22 and 21
percent
respectively. Medical treatment and fashion spending, in comparison, never reached a tenth. Health care in the US, the highest percentage compared to other countries, consisted of roughly eight
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
. Canada and Japan share
a similar numbers
Correct the article-noun agreement
a similar number
similar numbers
show examples
approximately four
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
,
while
the UK was the lowest, only one
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.
In addition
, clothing expenditure in Canada, Britain, Japan, and the US made up around seven, six, four, and three
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
respectively.
Submitted by wiwinwindiahadi on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
Introduction: The introduction is missing.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
Vocabulary: Replace the words percent with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "illustrated" was used 2 times.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • expenditures
  • categories
  • shares
  • percentage
  • comparison
  • analysis
  • factors
  • spending patterns
  • living standards
  • priorities
  • trends
  • bar chart
  • economic
  • cultural influences
  • household budget
What to do next:
Look at other essays: