Some countries today have passed laws against smoking tobacco in public buildings such as offices and restaurants. Other countries have no intention of doing this. Consider the possible arguments on both sides of the debate, and reach your own conclusion.
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Firstly
, some countries
have passed laws
against smoking tobacco
in public buildings to consider non smokers
Add a hyphen
non-smokers
while
others allow to smoke in some room
to make both of them comfortable. Other Fix the agreement mistake
rooms
countries
have no intention of doing this
because a number of quality of air still
in a normal range. Rather than that, some Add a missing verb
is still
countries
who do the laws
had
a bad quality of air.
Even though the effects of fog Wrong verb form
have
was
very bad, Correct subject-verb agreement
were
country
who given a plethora of Correct article usage
a country
tobacco
can’t stop to produce
Change the verb form
producing
tobacco
because this
industry has a big contribution number of GDP. Countries
that produce tobacco
get excise taxes from the production, companies get tobacco
, and society can be empowered. From an economic perspective, there are many people who depend on this
industry for their livelihood. If the government gives the a
new strict Choose an article
the
laws
, everybody in this
industry needs to be reduce
as well.
Change the verb form
be reduced
Nicotian
not only endanger themselves but endanger others as well. Because people who are around and inhale cigarette smoke automatically become passive smokers. The government can’t totally stop the companies Fix the agreement mistake
Nicotians
to sell
Change preposition
from selling
the
Correct article usage
apply
tobacco
, so in
every Change preposition
on
packaging
they put some pictures or sentences that Add a comma
packaging,
explained
Wrong verb form
explain
an
effect. Correct article usage
the
Hopefully
people will Add a comma
Hopefully,
realized
how nasty the effect of smoke Wrong verb form
realise
to
their Add a missing verb
is to
body
.
In conclusion, Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
although
tobacco
Correct article usage
the tobacco
indsutry
Correct your spelling
industry
gives
Verb problem
makes
the
large contribution there Correct article usage
a
still
so many Add a missing verb
are still
a
contra Correct article usage
apply
about
Change preposition
to
the
smoking. Correct article usage
apply
Nevertheless
, the use of it all comes back to the individual himself. Because laws
exist only to be boundaries.Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on
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introduction conclusion present
The essay lacks a clear introduction and thesis statement that outlines the main arguments to be discussed. The introduction should provide a background to the issue and clearly state your stance on the debate. The conclusion is present but does not effectively summarize the points made or adequately restate your conclusion, leaving the reader without a strong final impression.
logical structure
The essay struggles with coherence and cohesion, both within and between paragraphs. Ideas could be grouped more logically, and transitions should be used to help the reader understand how each idea connects to the next. The overall structure would benefit from clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph and more effective concluding sentences that tie back to the main argument.
supported main points
Supporting main points with specific, relevant examples and further explanations would improve the strength of the arguments. You need to develop your ideas more fully and include evidence or illustrations that back up your claims to effectively make your point to the reader.
complete response
Your response only partially completes the task. Both sides of the argument are mentioned, however, it is not fully developed, and the conclusion seems to be based on personal opinion rather than on the arguments presented within the essay. To improve, ensure that you explore all aspects of the question in depth, providing a balanced view and reaching a conclusion that reflects the evidence and arguments provided.
clear comprehensive ideas
Clarity in presenting ideas is essential for the reader to understand your arguments. The essay's ideas are not consistently clear or comprehensive, and the train of thought is sometimes difficult to follow. Work on developing each point with an eye towards clarity, ensuring that the reader can easily follow your logic without ambiguity or confusion.
relevant specific examples
The essay lacks specific, relevant examples to substantiate the arguments made. A strong essay includes illustrative examples that are not only relevant to the points being made but also enrich the reader's understanding of the issue. Ensure that examples are concrete and directly relate to the topic at hand.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.