IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people think that good health is very important to every person, so medical services should not be run by profit-making companies. Do the advantages of private healthcare outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #health #person #services #companies #healthcare
Today we have a huge step in
medicine
 and a lot of ancient diseases have been studied, but,
nevertheless
, problems with health are one of the main problems of humanity. In many countries, we have two types of medical services offered to citizens and most of them are from private companies. The Advantages and disadvantages of private healthcare we will check in
this
 essay. Private
medicine
 has some huge pluses to be an option for a person's decision about the service he wants to choose for carrying himself.
Firstly
, a lot of money spent on fees for non-free medical services
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 going to research and develop new special equipment for examinations.
Secondly
, it is a good idea to motivate the new generation in colleges and universities with high salaries if they are perfect specialists with many awards and experience in
medicine
 area.
Thirdly
, private companies could work only if they are accredited by the government,
hence
 they are staying under control.
On the other hand
, private
medicine
 has a few minuses that have a huge impact on the healthcare area.
A great
Remove the article
Great
show examples
 competition between medical staff creates an unstable situation in the labour market for people who want to work in the free
medicine
 services.
In particular
, we can see the dramatic difference in the salaries of employees.
Likewise
, private
medicine
 increases the fee of some surgeries that they become not available for many people, especially for those who are from the countryside.
Finally
, private healthcare has reasons to be on the opposite side of the free medical service
as well
as
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 it has some strong arguments against
this
 conversation.
Submitted by ushak.2004.80 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
The essay covers the topic but needs to ensure a clear position throughout the response. Be explicit about whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
task achievement
Work on developing main ideas more fully with examples and explanations to support your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Ensure you have a clear introduction and conclusion which succinctly state your position on the issue, avoiding general statements.
coherence cohesion
Organize ideas clearly into paragraphs, each containing one main idea related to the question prompt.
coherence cohesion
Use cohesive devices appropriately to link ideas within and across paragraphs.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: