Some people think it is responsibility of a parent to provide their children with discipline and teach them with right and wrong. Others think it is more important for parents to nourish their children and provide them with safe environment. What is your opinion ?

#people #responsibility #parent #children #discipline #right #parents #environment

It is thought that the responsibility of guardians

teach

Fix the infinitive

to teach

show examples

the

children

wrong

as well as

right not only

this

,but discipline is

also

important to be taught.

However

, others are inclined to think neither owing to feeding the

children

is very important than teaching them any sort of rules. In

this

essay,both views will be illustrated

in addition

to my opinion.

To begin

with, guardians play an essential role in teaching their

children

the basic rules.Obviously,because the

children

spend a great deal of time with their

parents

.So as to the given reason, the roles of

parents

are very important.It is

also

interesting to note that the

children

will follow and obey the general regulations and guidelines If their

parents

teach them . To illustrate

this

, in Japan,as a clear example, the number of youth frauds is in the minority on account of guardians who teach their

children

the disciplines. All of these make me believe that it is vital to provide

children

with well-educating backgrounds around rights and wrongs. Regarding nourishment, the

children

have to be fed in procedures to meet their bodies' needs.

While

it is not a complex procedure, a significant number of

children

struggle with some diseases owing to lack of nutrition like malnutrition and cleft.

According to

N.H.S. experts, a lot of

children

suffer from cleft diseases because they do not get enough ferric and vitamins.So as not to suffer from these drawbacks what the

parents

have to do is nourish their babies. In spite of all these justifications, it is not a complex procedure to pull off, If the child is hungry he will go to eat. What is more, all of the mentioned diseases are very rare to happen.

Therefore

, I believe that nourishing the

children

is not as important as teaching them the basic disciples on account of the given justifications. In a nutshell, through the analysis of

this

topic, it is understandable that

although

children

's nutrition is vital, teaching them what is right and wrong has to be prioritized because of the aforementioned reasons.

Submitted by nadeenelkenawy4425 on Mon Nov 27 2023

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Coherence & Cohesion

You have provided an introduction and conclusion which is good. However, make sure that the introduction clearly presents the topic and your thesis statement, while the conclusion should neatly summarize your main points without introducing new information.

Coherence & Cohesion

Your essay lacks a clear and logical structure in places. Develop paragraphs with clear topic sentences that relate to the main question, and ensure that every subsequent sentence within each paragraph supports that topic.

Coherence & Cohesion

To improve supported main points, make sure each paragraph clearly relates back to the central argument of your essay. Use specific examples to support your claims, and ensure these examples are directly relevant to the topic.

Task Achievement

You attempted to cover the prompt, but your response was not always effectively developed. Your essay sometimes strays from the central topic, and some arguments are not fully fleshed out.

Task Achievement

Strive for clear and comprehensive presentation of ideas. Your writing should be easily understood on the first read, without confusion or ambiguity. Use paragraphing to your advantage to structure your thoughts.

Task Achievement

The use of specific examples is weak. Incorporate more detailed and relevant examples to support your arguments and make sure they directly relate to the issues being discussed.

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

339 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people think it is responsibility of a parent to provide their children with discipline and teach them with right and wrong. Others think it is more important for parents to nourish their children and provide them with safe environment. What is your opinion ?

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Development in tourism offer very little direct benefit for residents who live in these areas. To what extent do you agree?

Some people think that teachers are no longer needed because students can study via the Internet. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that children should be home schooled when they are very young while others think it is better for them to attend a kindergarten. Which do you think is better? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Many people prefer to watch foreign films rather than locally produced films. Why could this be? Should governments give more financial support to local film industries?

Some people think that family has the most powerful influence on a child’s development, while others think that other factors such as television, friend, music have the biggest effects. Discuss both views and give your opinion?