IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In Britain, when someone gets old they often go to live in a home with other old people where there are nurses to look after them. Sometimes the government has to pay for this care. Who do you think should pay for this care, the government or the family? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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There are split opinions regarding whether the age-
care
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service
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 should be paid
by
Change preposition
for by
show examples
 the
government
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 or the family in Britain. Some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that the
government
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 might be helped older for the rest of life in the age-
care
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 facility
whereas
Linking Words
 others believe that it is a family responsibility to take
care
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 of their grandparents.
However
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, both have their own positive side and will provide the answer with
instance
Fix the agreement mistake
instances
show examples
 and
perspective
Fix the agreement mistake
perspectives
show examples
 view too in the following paragraphs. The foremost point is that the
government
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 must
responsible
Add a missing verb
be responsible
show examples
 for the
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
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 of Britain
whose
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 need
health
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care
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.
Although
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, it
serve
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serves
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 better than family members and infects it provides
fulltime
Correct your spelling
full-time
show examples
 roster nurses who
able
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are able
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 to access
service
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 24 hours in the time of emergency. Because of
this
Linking Words
aged-person
Correct your spelling
people
show examples
 could not feel
like
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at
show examples
 home but they
support
Wrong verb form
supported
show examples
 and
aware
Add a missing verb
were aware
show examples
 others to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
politics.
In addition
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, the
government
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 authority is secured so the aged
people
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does
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do
show examples
 not need to worry about
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
safety precaution and all.
Thus
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, the authority reforms the benefits of
health
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tratements
Correct your spelling
treatments
.
On the contrary
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, the second view suggests why
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government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 need to pay the bill for the aged-
care
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service
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 though it is a family issue.
In addition
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, it is a
family
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family's
show examples
 responsibility to take
care
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 of their grandparents so that humans create
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
value and respect
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the culture in the way of traditional
customes
Correct your spelling
customs
customers
. For
insatnce
Correct your spelling
instance
, in India, all
health
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 issue is cured by
mother
Correct article usage
a mother
show examples
 who specially
take
Change the verb form
takes
show examples
care
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 of her son and grandparents in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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rural area so that
people
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 can invest their wealth
to
Change preposition
in
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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agricultural property .
Hence
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, the given point conceived that
retired
Correct article usage
the retired
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 gender is more
wellness
Replace the word
well
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 by the family member.
To conclude
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 and give my opinion
it
Correct pronoun usage
I
show examples
 would say that the age-
care
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 facility
service
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 is the best
service
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 for retired
people
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 if the
government
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 pay the bills or the family. But, it can be best that both can split the bills
such
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 as the
government
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 can provide some
health
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 policies to retire agents or the army.

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task achievement
Your essay somewhat addresses the question, but the response is not fully developed and lacks a clear position throughout the essay. A clear stance should be consistently maintained and elaborated upon. Providing concrete examples rather than hypothetical scenarios would strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
You need to improve the organization and clarity of your essay. Establish a clear logical sequence for your ideas, and make sure each paragraph focuses on a single main point. Use cohesive devices to better link your ideas together, and ensure that your introduction and conclusion are more explicitly stated and connected to your overall argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Aging population
  • Elderly care
  • Nursing homes
  • Social welfare
  • Intergenerational responsibility
  • Caregiving
  • Financial burden
  • Quality of life
  • Pension funds
  • Healthcare policy
  • Taxation
  • Subsidies
  • Private insurance
  • Long-term care
  • Sustainability
What to do next:
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