In some countries in Europe, some children from the age of 11 or 13 go to schools to learn more practical skills that will help them get a job. Other children stay in schools which provide a more general academic education.

Several countries in
europe
Change the capitalization
Europe
show examples
have two
type
Change to a plural noun
types
show examples
of schooling
approch
Correct your spelling
approaches
for early
teenegers
Correct your spelling
teenagers
.
while
some
students
prefer practical
skill based
Add a hyphen
skill-based
show examples
education
others choose general
acadamic
Correct your spelling
academic
education
. In my view,
teenegers
Correct your spelling
teenagers
should be provided general
acadamic
Correct your spelling
academic
education
rather than practical skills which I will explain in
this
essay. General
education
is the foundation of professional
education
. Secondary
school
education
will provide
Add an article
a
the
show examples
deep understanding of core subjects like science and
mathamatics
Correct your spelling
mathematics
. The wards should learn at least 10 years to be expert in the core subject which is essential for their future.
For example
, a medical professional should have
Correct article usage
a detail
show examples
detail
Replace the word
detailed
show examples
understanding of the human anatomy which should be learned in the teenage.
In contrast
, the practical skilled learning
students
will not have sufficient knowledge in these areas.
Furthermore
,
practical based
Add a hyphen
practical-based
show examples
education
in secondary
school
may not be provided in all areas which will
leads
Change the verb form
lead
show examples
to
critical
Add an article
a critical
the critical
show examples
shortage of professionals in vital sectors. Secondary
school
age
is too early to learn practical
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
.
In
Change preposition
At
show examples
the
age
of 11
ot
Correct your spelling
to
or
13
students
will not have developed enough muscle or mental strength to learn
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
skill
for work.
For example
,
students
will not have developed
muscle
Correct article usage
the muscle
show examples
to carry heavy tools or critical thinking ability
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
this
age
which is
essantial
Correct your spelling
essential
to
learn
Wrong verb form
learning
show examples
skills for work.
As a result
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
practical
skill
learning
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
early
age
is not always successful. In conclusion,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
general
education
in secondary
school
required
Wrong verb form
requires
show examples
deeply
Rephrase
a deep
show examples
understanding of the core subjects which will help them to be professional in future. During early
teenage
Add a comma
teenage,
show examples
the student's physical and mental ability might not be fully developed to learn complex practices for work.
Submitted by ck.manshad on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure that the essay has a clear and logical structure, with distinct paragraphs for the introduction, main body, and conclusion. Each paragraph should have a clear central idea.
coherence cohesion
Work on writing cohesive sentences and linking them effectively to each other throughout the essay. Aim for a smooth flow of ideas and consistency in your argument.
coherence cohesion
Avoid repeating the same ideas. Instead, expand upon each point with detailed explanations or additional perspectives to enrich the essay's content.
task achievement
Make sure that the essay fully addresses all parts of the task. Understand the prompt thoroughly and ensure that your essay covers it comprehensively.
task achievement
Express ideas clearly and in a well-organized manner. Use a range of sentence structures and vocabulary to articulate your argument comprehensively.
task achievement
Use specific, relevant examples to support your main points. These should be detailed and serve to illustrate your arguments effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: