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Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The two charts provide data about two types of TV programmes watched by women and men and four separate age groups in Australia.

The two charts provide data about two types of TV programmes watched by women and men and four separate age groups in Australia.
#two #data #tv #programmes #women #men #four #age #groups #australia
The two bar charts
provides
Change the verb form
provide
show examples
 information about the proportion of
audience
Correct article usage
the audience
show examples
 watching reality shows and
game
 shows based on gender and
age
 groups in Australia.
Overall
, more female watch reality shows content compared to male
while
 the audiences of
game
 shows is more
balance
Replace the word
balanced
show examples
.
According to
 the bar chart, the
percentage
 of
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 watching reality shows is higher than
male
Correct article usage
the male
show examples
percentage
 by
gap
Correct article usage
a gap
show examples
around
Change preposition
of around
show examples
 34%. Based on the
age
group
, the highest
percentage
 of viewers
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
just below 70% comes from
45+
Correct article usage
the 45+
show examples
age
group
, followed by
other
Change the wording
another aged group
other aged groups
show examples
aged
Replace the word
age
show examples
group
 35-44 years old at 68%, 25-34 at 60% and 16-24% at 50%.
In contrast
, the rates of
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 and
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 watching
game
 shows are
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 at 60%. In the context of
age
group
, the most viewers
comes
Change the verb form
come
show examples
 from people aged 45+ at 70%, followed by children and early adults aged from 16 to 24 at 50%. The
adults
Change the noun form
adult
show examples
 viewers of
game
 shows aged 25-34 years old have the lowest
percentage
 at 38%,
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 is 2% lower than the 35-44 years old
age
group
 at 40%.
Submitted by ryanrush16 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words game, age, percentage, group with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 7 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
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