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Band 4.5

Research has shown that spending much less time in office can reduce the use Of use of energy (for example electricity, gas). Thus some companies Cole for some days a week. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantage?

#research #time #office #energy #electricity #gas #companies #cole #week #development
In the contemporary era, it is quite common that spending a long time in the
office
 can significantly decrease the potential of
employees
. So companies should turn off for some
days
 a week. In my
Fix the agreement mistake
opinion
show examples
opinions
Add a comma
opinions,
show examples
 I tend to believe that, it
provide
Change the verb form
provides
show examples
 both advantages and disadvantages.
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 there are more benefits than disadvantages. In the upcoming
paragraph
Add a comma
paragraph,
show examples
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 am going to explore them fully.
This
 trend appears to be considerably more
advantages
Replace the word
advantageous
show examples
 for many reasons. The most substantial favorable aspect of
this
 trend is the
employees
Change to a genitive case
employee's
employees'
show examples
 loss of concentration
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their duties
due to
 long
office
 hours. They develop a monotonous attitude after spending
a lots
Correct the article-noun agreement
a lot
lots
show examples
 of time in the
office
 without a break.
As a
result
Add a comma
result,
show examples
 their dedication and efficiency
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
has been fall
Wrong verb form
have fallen
show examples
down
Change preposition
apply
show examples
which directly affects company revenue. To overcome
those solution
Change the determiner
that solution
those solutions
show examples
 if
employees
 get some off
days
 a week it would be possible
refresh
Fix the infinitive
to refresh
show examples
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 minds from long work pressure and
feeling
Wrong verb form
feel
show examples
 comfortable spending that time with
family's
Change the noun form
families
family
show examples
. After weekdays when
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 employee
start
Change the verb form
starts
show examples
 his new working
days
then
Rephrase
apply
show examples
he
have
Verb problem
is
show examples
 full of
enthusiasms
Fix the agreement mistake
enthusiasm
show examples
 which is a good
sing
Correct your spelling
sign
show examples
 for both
employees
 and employers.
Apart from
this
 reducing
office
 hours
also
save
Correct subject-verb agreement
saves
show examples
company’s
Correct article usage
the company’s
show examples
coast
Correct your spelling
costs
show examples
such
 as electricity, water, internet, and fuel bills etc.
On the contrary
, in spite of having so many
benefits
Add a comma
benefits,
show examples
 there
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
might be some
drawback
Fix the agreement mistake
drawbacks
show examples
 of
close
Wrong verb form
closing
show examples
 for some
days
 a week. Additional off
days
 can lead a
reluctant
Replace the word
reluctance
show examples
 among
employees
. What is more could imbalance
companies
Fix the agreement mistake
the company's
show examples
 consistence performance.
For instance
, it goes
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
without saying that unnecessary off
days
 could hamper the
work flow
Correct your spelling
workflow
show examples
 of the company.
This
 is because
company
Add an article
the company
a company
show examples
 may have missed or distracted
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 yearly plan,target, or profit margin. In conclusion as far as my explanation is concerned
although
 there are a few drawbacks
nevertheless
 the advantages clearly outweigh the disadvantages, so it is a positive development
Submitted by tanvir0507 on

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Introduction & Conclusion
Your introduction provides a decent start to the topic but could be more concise and directly answer the essay question. Remember to state clearly your position whether you believe the advantages outweigh the disadvantages or not, rather than presenting an ambiguous statement.
Logical Structure
You need to work on structuring your ideas more logically. Make sure each paragraph has one clear main idea, and the sentences within those paragraphs are related and support the main idea.
Supported Main Points
Your main points need better support. Rather than stating general opinions, use specific examples and explanations to illustrate your ideas and make your arguments more persuasive.
Complete Response
Ensure you fully respond to all parts of the task. Your essay should examine both the advantages and disadvantages equally before concluding if one outweighs the other. Your conclusion must also summarise your main points and restate your position clearly.
Clear & Comprehensive Ideas
Strive to present clear and comprehensive arguments in your essay. Avoid vague statements and generalisations. Make your ideas distinct and back them up with solid reasoning or evidence.
Relevant & Specific Examples
Include relevant and specific examples to strengthen your ideas and make your essay more convincing. These examples should directly relate to and support the points you are making in your essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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