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Band 4

An increase in the production of consumer goods results in damage to the natural environment. Why is this the case, and what solutions are possible?

#production #consumer #goods #results #damage #environment #case
Nowaways
Correct your spelling
Nowadays
, there is a growth in the supply
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 consumer goods and it has a negative impact on
environment
Add an article
the environment
show examples
. The essay will examine the causes related to
this
 tendency and the measures
could
Correct pronoun usage
that could
show examples
 be taken to improve the situation. There are a variety of different causes for
this
 matter of
this
 phenomenon.
To begin
 with,
due to
 the increase
of
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in
show examples
 the world population, people need more
resources
 in order to produce goods.
For example
,
according to
researches
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research
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 from
Vietnamese
Correct article usage
the Vietnamese
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 Economic University,
1
Correct article usage
a 1
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% increase in the population
results
Add the preposition
results in
results from
show examples
 5% increase in the supply for the market. Another contributing factor to mention is that humans are exploiting more
resources
 than they are supposed to.
For example
,
according to
researches
Fix the agreement mistake
research
show examples
, the proportion of the amount of natural
resources
 that are utilized by
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
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 and the available amount of
resources
 that
natural
Replace the word
nature
show examples
 can offer us is 1.8 in 2021,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 is much higher than
the
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in the
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 past and it is detrimental to the process of
nature
Replace the word
natural
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 reproduction. Despite
of
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apply
show examples
these circumstances, there are several actions that governments could take to solve the problems.
Firstly
, an effective solution would be to raise awareness of recycling. A reason for
this
 is that consumers can stop buying newly made products
therefore
 companies don't have to take advantage of natural
resources
. An example
for
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of
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this
 is that as stated in
UK
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the UK
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 Times, there is a website for mothers to sell their baby's clothes because clothes for babies can be costly since children grow fast
therefore
 they don't wear
it
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them
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 for too long. In
addtional
Correct your spelling
addition
, it solves the the problem of fast fashion which
also
 has a negative on the environment and it is more
economic
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economical
show examples
 for many families. In conclusion, the problem of
growing
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growth
show examples
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
consumers
Change the noun form
consumer
show examples
 goods production is unlikely to be entirely eliminated in the short term.
However
, various solutions can be taken to tackle the issue to reduce the effects it is having on the current society.
Submitted by yeshomeclass on

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Task Achievement
Ensure that your introduction fully addresses the prompt and clearly states the problems and potential solutions. Your introduction lacks a comprehensive overview.
Task Achievement
In the main paragraphs, each idea should be well-developed and supported by specific examples. You offered examples but they were not always clear or fully explained.
Task Achievement
Your conclusion should summarise the main points of the essay and restate your position clearly. The current conclusion is too vague and does not fulfill this requirement effectively.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use clear and logical ordering of sentences and paragraphs to guide the reader through the arguments and explanations. This essay showed some structure but often presented information in a confusing way.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use a range of cohesive devices (linking words, pronouns, conjunctions) appropriately to demonstrate coherence within and between paragraphs. This essay made an attempt, but cohesive device usage requires improvement.
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