IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

An increase in the production of consumer goods results in damage to the natural environment. Why is this the case, and what solutions are possible?

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Correct your spelling
Nowadays
, there is a growth in the supply
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 consumer goods and it has a negative impact on
environment
Add an article
the environment
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. The essay will examine the causes related to
this
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 tendency and the measures
could
Correct pronoun usage
that could
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 be taken to improve the situation. There are a variety of different causes for
this
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 matter of
this
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 phenomenon.
To begin
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 with,
due to
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 the increase
of
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in
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 the world population, people need more
resources
Use synonyms
 in order to produce goods.
For example
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,
according to
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researches
Fix the agreement mistake
research
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 from
Vietnamese
Correct article usage
the Vietnamese
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 Economic University,
1
Correct article usage
a 1
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% increase in the population
results
Add the preposition
results in
results from
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 5% increase in the supply for the market. Another contributing factor to mention is that humans are exploiting more
resources
Use synonyms
 than they are supposed to.
For example
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,
according to
Linking Words
researches
Fix the agreement mistake
research
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, the proportion of the amount of natural
resources
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 that are utilized by
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
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 and the available amount of
resources
Use synonyms
 that
natural
Replace the word
nature
show examples
 can offer us is 1.8 in 2021,
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that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 is much higher than
the
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in the
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 past and it is detrimental to the process of
nature
Replace the word
natural
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 reproduction. Despite
of
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apply
show examples
these circumstances, there are several actions that governments could take to solve the problems.
Firstly
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, an effective solution would be to raise awareness of recycling. A reason for
this
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 is that consumers can stop buying newly made products
therefore
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 companies don't have to take advantage of natural
resources
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. An example
for
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of
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this
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 is that as stated in
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
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 Times, there is a website for mothers to sell their baby's clothes because clothes for babies can be costly since children grow fast
therefore
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 they don't wear
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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 for too long. In
addtional
Correct your spelling
addition
, it solves the the problem of fast fashion which
also
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 has a negative on the environment and it is more
economic
Replace the word
economical
show examples
 for many families. In conclusion, the problem of
growing
Replace the word
growth
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 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
consumers
Change the noun form
consumer
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 goods production is unlikely to be entirely eliminated in the short term.
However
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, various solutions can be taken to tackle the issue to reduce the effects it is having on the current society.

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Task Achievement
Ensure that your introduction fully addresses the prompt and clearly states the problems and potential solutions. Your introduction lacks a comprehensive overview.
Task Achievement
In the main paragraphs, each idea should be well-developed and supported by specific examples. You offered examples but they were not always clear or fully explained.
Task Achievement
Your conclusion should summarise the main points of the essay and restate your position clearly. The current conclusion is too vague and does not fulfill this requirement effectively.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use clear and logical ordering of sentences and paragraphs to guide the reader through the arguments and explanations. This essay showed some structure but often presented information in a confusing way.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use a range of cohesive devices (linking words, pronouns, conjunctions) appropriately to demonstrate coherence within and between paragraphs. This essay made an attempt, but cohesive device usage requires improvement.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • depletion
  • biodiversity
  • ecosystems
  • manufacturing
  • pollution
  • contaminate
  • carbon emissions
  • fossil fuels
  • throwaway lifestyle
  • biodegradable
  • urbanization
  • industrialization
  • habitat destruction
  • consumerism
  • natural resources
  • sustainability
  • renewable resources
  • environmental impact
  • regulation
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