IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

More and more people today expect to get what they want instantly ( goods, services, news), without having to wait. Why is this? Do you think these expectations to get things instantly is a positive or negative development?

#people #goods #services #news #expectations #development
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It is often argued that people always expect to have instant access to anything they need because they do not have
patience
Change the article
the patience
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 to wait for things to happen. It might be
due to
 the technological advancements which
has
Change the verb form
have
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 reduced the need
of
Change preposition
for
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 delayed gratifications. In my opinion, it has more
a
Change preposition
of a
show examples
negative development than positive considering the behavioural and health problems.
This
 is mainly because of the advancements in technology plays a crucial role.
That is
 to say that people have choices to select the speed of services they need whether it is related to products or information or services.
For instance
, Amazon has a service called Amazon
prime
Capitalize word
Prime
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 which delivers goods on the same day within a few hours.
Such
 developments reduced the need to wait for anything. I believe that
such
 expectations of instant access
has
Change the verb form
have
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 potential pitfalls
than
Rephrase
rather than
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 benefits.
Firstly
,
such
attitude
Correct article usage
an attitude
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 makes them impatient when they do not have something they expected which could lead to negative impacts in terms of their health
such
 as anxiety and depression.
Secondly
, it might cause behavioural issues
such
 as being
arrogance
Replace the word
arrogant
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 or stubborn to get things
immediatel
Correct your spelling
immediately
 and they don't embrace gratifications that are delayed. In conclusion, aiming to get what they want is mainly
due to
 the number of choices we have in
this
 competitive world because of the improvements in technology.
Although
 it has benefits, I believe that
demerits
Correct article usage
the demerits
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 outweigh the positives because it has negative impacts on behaviour and health
Submitted by jeeanay on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea, fully developed with adequate support. Your main points are generally clear, but could benefit from more elaboration and examples.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices and paragraphing to better organize the essay. While you have an introduction and conclusion, there is room for improvement in the transitions between ideas and paragraphs.
task achievement
Address all parts of the tasks more equally, giving sufficient detail and development to each aspect of the question. You have provided a response covering the main demands of the task, but additional focus and expansion on both the reasons and your opinion on the issue would enhance the essay.
task achievement
Strive for clear and logical development of ideas; each paragraph should contain a single main idea with relevant support. Expand on the reasons and consequences, with specific examples, to better illustrate your point of view.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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