Some people think that keeping pets is good for children while others think it is dangerous and unhealthy. Which opinion do you agree with? Discuss both options and give examples.

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Nowadays every
home
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has at least one
pet
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. It argues that having
pets
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at
home
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is beneficial for
kids
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.
While
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others think that, it is harmful and not a healthy option. I agree that keeping
pets
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is unhealthy and it causes many problems to
kids
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.
This
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essay will discuss both these views and explain my opinions in the ensuing paragraphs. On the one hand, there have been various problems arising
due to
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having a
pet
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at
home
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. It may cause different health issues in
kids
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.
Firstly
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, the hairs and dust of
animals
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leads to allergy problem. The bird dust or hairs of cats and dogs fly in the atmosphere and anyone who inhales those can have an allergy.
For example
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, a study conducted in a local village shows that
kids
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who are allergic to some kind of dust have a
pet
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in their homes.
Secondly
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, the waste of an animal is dangerous and if anyone consumes it will lead to serious illness. Infants and toddlers do not understand the difference between good and bad products. They may touch
Correct article usage
the wastes
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wastes
Fix the agreement mistake
waste
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of
animals
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if they see anything on the ground. There are chances of
pets
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waste
Wrong verb form
wasting
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the ground.
As a result
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, children may get ill.
On the other hand
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, having
pets
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at
home
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has some advantages too.
Kids
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get attached to them and they protect
kids
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from strangers, especially dogs who do
this
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job very well.
Moreover
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, from childhood onwards
kids
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understand the value of relationships if they have
animals
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at
home
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.
For instance
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,
according to
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the Northern University of The Pas, people who have domestic
animals
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at
home
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are very friendly and they value their relationship with other individuals.
To sum up
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, keeping a
pet
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is good for people as it helps to understand the bond between people.
However
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, the consequences that it causes are higher than the benefits.
Hence
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, in my perspective, it is better to say no to
animals
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until
kids
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are grown to know the difference between what is good and bad.
Submitted by rinuthomasmathew07 on

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task achievement
Ensure that your introduction more accurately paraphrases the task prompt, and clearly state your main argument. Your introduction does not accurately reflect the task requirements, and it needs a clearer thesis statement expressing your viewpoint, and a preview of the points you will discuss.
coherence and cohesion
Use a range of cohesive devices to link your ideas effectively. Your essay lacks variety in its use of cohesive devices, resorting to simple conjunctions such as 'firstly' and 'secondly,' which can make the essay seem simplistic. Try to use a wider range of devices to enhance the flow of your essay.
task achievement
Develop your main points with specific supporting details and examples. While you have provided some examples, they are not always clear or fully developed. Make sure that each paragraph has a clear main idea, and use examples and details that clearly support that idea.
task achievement
The conclusion should concisely summarize the main points discussed in the essay without introducing new information. Your conclusion repeats your thesis but does not fully encapsulate the main points made in the body paragraphs nor reflects a balanced discussion as required by the task.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • companion
  • responsibility
  • care
  • empathy
  • compassion
  • social skills
  • transmit
  • diseases
  • allergies
  • safety risks
  • time
  • effort
  • money
  • mature
  • handle
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