Some people believe that women should play an equal role as men in a country's police force or military force such as the army while others think women are not suitable for this kind of jobs. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
One of the widely discussed issues nowadays is the thought
about
Change preposition
that
women
have to engage navy
and the Capitalize word
Navy
air force
just like Correct your spelling
Air Force
men
. Now people are beginning to realize that women
should be allowed to join the forces. From my point of view, i
think that Change the capitalization
I
this
statement is completely wrong.
On the one hand, it is well known that women
are differ
Change the verb form
differ
with
their Change preposition
in
body
compared with Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
men
. What I mean here is that women
always will be wealthier than men
and this
fact is come principal
. One of the main reasons behind Correct word choice
true
that is
about women
’s health and strength. For example
, women
are not able to take responsibility on
many of physical Change preposition
for
activites
. They cannot cope with heavy equipment Correct your spelling
activities
activity
whereas
males may do it without any problems and not wasting many
Correct quantifier usage
much
strenth
.
Correct your spelling
strength
On the other hand
, it can be also
argued that stereotypes in the army
, the Capitalize word
Army
navy
and the Capitalize word
Navy
air force
will have Correct your spelling
Air Force
majority
of contrary indications for Add an article
the majority
a majority
women
. Women
’s health is essential to life. That is
to say
there may be some tough regulations. Take Add a comma
say,
for
example, Add the comma(s)
, for
Correct article usage
a female’s
female’s
organism Change noun form
female
is
naturally Unnecessary verb
apply
have
fragility and because of that females can harm their health without even noticing that. They can develop diseases in themselves Unnecessary verb
apply
wich
may lead to a lot of problems Correct your spelling
which
for
their future life.
In conclusion, taking everything mentioned into Change preposition
in
accout
in our final analysis we can say that Correct your spelling
account
women
should not be allowed to join army
. They would do their best in Add an article
the army
another fields
compared with Replace the adjective
another field
other fields
men
.Submitted by dnm.best on
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coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks clarity in its argument structure. You should ensure that each paragraph has a key central idea, followed by an explanation or example to support it. Avoid making general statements without backing them up.
task achievement
The essay does not fully respond to the task as it fails to discuss both views. To obtain higher marks, you should present a balanced discussion of both viewpoints mentioned in the prompt before giving your opinion.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite