Children are becoming overweight and unhealthy. Some people think that the government should have the responsibility. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
In the fast-paced society currently, individuals are often struggling with their daily work and study life, and the concept of
healthy
lifestyle has been lost gradually from individuals’ Add an article
a healthy
mind
. Fix the agreement mistake
minds
Children
are not exceptions, an increasing number of diabetes among children
indicates the severity of the general health issue
. Arguments appear on whether government
should take responsibility for the overweight Add an article
the government
issue
of children
. Personally, I, partly agree with this
viewpoint.
It is undeniable that government
can establish several policies to alleviate Correct article usage
the government
this
issue
. Children
haven’t developed a critical and mature mindset yet, so they would be misled by some exaggerated advertisement. For example
, advertisements for fried foods assert that their foods have less energy which is usually not reliable. Nevertheless
, kids do not have enough experience or knowledge to help them come out with a correct judgement. In this
case, government
can formulate policies to restrict publishments and advertisements that are not credible. Add an article
the government
In addition
, with globalization, individuals can get in touch with diverse cuisines or diets from all over the world, including fast food
in KFC or McDonald's that are always considered as
junk Change preposition
apply
food
because of their lack of nutrition and high energy. Hence
, government
can set a higher tax for those so-called junk Add an article
the government
food
companies and allow some subsidy for healthy food
such
as vegetables and fruits to encourage children
to develop a balanced diet.
However
, this
does not automatically mean that only efforts by government
can deal with the problem. In order to holistically solve Add an article
the government
this
problem, actions from schools and families should also
be taken into account. Students especially high school students have to handle a very high pressure of study and a heavy curriculum because they have to improve their grades to meet the universities’ criteria. Involving physical education scores would be vital to reverse this
trend, encouraging students to have more exercise. At the same time, the dangers of junk food
can be imparted from schools and parents to their kids, after children
have a clear recognition, they establish an insightful mindset to identify which kind of food
would be healthy to consume.
In conclusion, the government
is indeed an essential part, however
, factors inside and outside the school should also
be taken into account to comprehensively settle a matter to
the overweight Change preposition
of
issue
among children
.Submitted by felixdai89 on
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Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay needs a stronger logical structure to ensure that ideas flow naturally from one to the next. Creating an outline before writing can help improve organization.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion of your essay are present but could be made stronger by explicitly stating your main argument in the introduction and summarizing the key points effectively in the conclusion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that main points are fully supported by developing each idea thoroughly before moving on to the next. This can be achieved by expanding on examples and providing clear evidence for each point made.
Task Achievement
For a complete response to the task, make sure to address all parts of the prompt throughout your essay. Adding a clear opinion statement in the introduction will set the tone for the rest of the essay.
Task Achievement
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Task Achievement
Incorporate relevant and specific examples to support your ideas. While your essay includes examples, there is room for making them more detailed and directly tied to the argument you're making.
Word Count
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A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
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