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Writing Samples
Band 6

The graph below show the population figures of different types of turtles in India between 1980 and 2012

The graph below show the population figures of different types of turtles in India between 1980 and 2012
#show #population #figures #turtles #india
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The line graph displays how the population of various
turtles
 changed in India from 1980 to 2012.
Overall
, all
species
 were equal in
index
Add an article
the index
show examples
 in the beginning and,
total
Correct article usage
the total
show examples
 numbers of indices
all
Change preposition
for all
show examples
species
 have fluctuated over
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time
.
However
, it went up slightly
in
Change the preposition
at
show examples
 the end of
time
. Meanwhile, Olive Ridley
turtles
 could
achieved
Change the verb form
achieve
show examples
 the highest influx among others. Olive ridley
turtles
 were 100 indexed in 1980
as
Rephrase
apply
show examples
same as
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 two types,
although
 it surpassed the number remaining types in 1986 as it was nearly 11.
This
species
then
 rocketed to almost 135 in 1997, marking its
maxium
Correct your spelling
maximum
 number
thereafter
.
Then
 following a series of
fluctautions
Correct your spelling
fluctuations
,
finally
 the count was approximately 130 in 2012. During the whole
time
 period, the total population
index
was fluctuating
Wrong verb form
fluctuated
show examples
 as it increased from 10 indices
since
Change preposition
in
show examples
 1980
from
Change preposition
to
show examples
 100
index
. Green
turtles
 were the most prominent
species
 until 1984, as it was nearly
index
 of 105,
however
,
this
 fluctuated over the
time
 course
while
 it remained as the second highest
species
 from 1987 to 2012.
At
Change preposition
In
show examples
2012, it declined
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
to
index
Correct article usage
an index
show examples
 of 90.
Leather back
Correct your spelling
Leatherback
show examples
turtles
 were equal with
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
in population
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 1987
as
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
but it had a steep drop down
thereafter
. Its count
finally
 was 60 which was the least among all others.
Submitted by tlakshani005 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "finally, however, thereafter".
▼
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words turtles, species, index, time with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "fluctuated" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Endangered species
  • Conservation efforts
  • Biodiversity
  • Ecosystem
  • Poaching
  • Habitat loss
  • Reproductive rates
  • Predation
  • Environmental changes
  • Climate impact
  • Ecological significance
  • Species decline
  • Protection measures
  • Wildlife management
  • Population trend
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