Some people think that people who immigrate to a new country should accept the new culture as their own rather than remain in separate minority groups and live in different lifestyles. Do you agree or disagree?

I agree with
this
, in my opinion when you
entering
Wrong verb form
enter
show examples
new
Add an article
a new
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country and you
eager
Add a missing verb
are eager
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to learn
their
Change preposition
about their
show examples
culture
it could help you to know more about
their
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
.
Beside
Replace the word
Besides
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that
Add a comma
that,
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you can still
hav eyour
Correct your spelling
have your
own
culture
that you can you use by yourself and you
also
can introduce your own
culture
. when you know
they
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
culture
could help you to understand how you communicate with them
also
Correct word choice
and also
show examples
could give you many opportunities in the future
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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introduction conclusion present
The essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion, which are critical to establish the context and summarize the overarching argument effectively. Consider starting with a general statement about the issue before stating your opinion. End the essay with a conclusion that restates your stance and summarizes the main points.
logical structure
The essay demonstrates a weak logical structure and lack of paragraphing. Ideas should be organized into clear paragraphs, each containing one main point that is elaborated upon. Use transitional phrases to connect ideas within and across paragraphs.
supported main points
The main points in the essay are not sufficiently developed and supported. Use specific examples and detailed explanations to strengthen your argument. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that the subsequent sentences elaborate on that point.
complete response
The response does not fully address the question. It is crucial to directly address the prompt and develop a clear argument. Make sure your response is complete by both agreeing or disagreeing with the statement and explaining why, providing analysis and examples to justify your viewpoint.
clear comprehensive ideas
The ideas presented in the essay are vague and require a much clearer expression. Take the time to expand upon your ideas, ensuring they are comprehensive and detailed. Clarity can be achieved through careful explanation and use of examples that are directly relevant to the given topic.
relevant specific examples
While relevant examples are slightly present, they are not specific enough and lack detail. Aim to include examples that clearly illustrate your point and show a deeper level of analysis related to the topic of cultural adaptation and community integration.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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