IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

A big salary is much more important than job satisfaction.

#salary #job #satisfaction
People
 argue that making a lot of
money
 is more significant than enjoying their
work
.
This
 essay totally agrees with
this
 statement. I believe that
people
 who have a big salary can pay their monthly expenses enough and can save a lot of
money
 for their future. Employees who have a big
income
 feel more comfortable
to enjoy
Change the verb form
enjoying
show examples
 their life because they do not think anymore about
money
 for their family, so they just focus on
work
 and
get
Wrong verb form
getting
show examples
promotion
Fix the agreement mistake
promotions
show examples
 for their
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
.
For example
, my friend used to think that a large
income
 was not important
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 him.
However
, he regretted it because his monthly expenses increased since he had a family and he had a lot of debt in the bank because his salary was not enough for his family life. Having a big
income
 is crucial because the inflation is increasing year by year. If
people
 do not have a big
income
, they do not have
money
 in their bank account. Most
people
 think that
convenience
Correct article usage
the convenience
show examples
 of
work
 is more important than
money
, but they do not realize inflation is rising and they need more
income
 to save
money
.
For example
, my cousin was a basketball coach. He was passionate and enjoyed his job, but when he was pensioned
last
 year, he regretted it because he did not save enough
money
 for his retirement.
To conclude
, l believe that a big
income
 is more crucial than being happy at
work
 because
people
 have
money
 to pay their monthly bills and they can save
money
 because inflation is increasing.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure the introduction clearly outlines your position without being too general. Offer a succinct thesis statement that paves the way for the arguments to come.
Coherence & Cohesion
Link your ideas fluidly, ensuring each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Use a variety of linking phrases to maintain flow and interest.
Coherence & Cohesion
Develop your main points with detailed and relevant examples. These examples need to concretely support your argument and be specifically linked to your main points.
Task Achievement
Be sure to address the prompt fully, providing a well-explained argument that covers all aspects of the question.
Task Achievement
Your essay should convey your ideas clearly, using complex sentence structures and a range of vocabulary without compromising readability.
Task Achievement
Include more specific examples and details to back up your points. Avoid broad statements and generalize less to make your argument more persuasive.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • remuneration
  • financial security
  • motivation
  • luxuries
  • material possessions
  • fulfillment
  • work-life balance
  • stress levels
  • mental well-being
  • job security
What to do next:
Look at other essays: