The chart below show the percentage of the day working adults spent doing different activities in a particular country in 1958 and in 2008.

The chart below show the percentage of the day working adults spent doing different activities in a particular country in 1958 and in 2008.
The pie charts compare the ratio of
time
spent in various activities in the
day
of working adults in 1958 and 2008. All in all, people at work slept less and worked more when compared to the past. People
also
spend less
time
on social activities and
instead
stay at home more often. Back in 1958, working adults spent equivalent
time
sleeping and working, both taking one-third of a
day
. People
also
used
Wrong verb form
use
show examples
around one-fifth of a
day
to go out with friends and families, which is more than double the
time
relaxing at home. Other activities
such
as travelling to work ,hobbies and playing sports took the remaining 8%. But after five decades,
although
sleeping and working still took
two third
Correct your spelling
two-thirds
show examples
of a
day
of working adults in total, the
time
used for sleeping dropped to one-fourth of a
day
.
Moreover
, the
time
spent on relaxing at home was more than double
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the 6%
time
for going out, which was the opposite of that in 1958. The
time
spent on hobbies and sports remained the same though,
while
that on travelling to work experienced a 4-fold increase.
Submitted by jackcityone on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
Vocabulary: Replace the words time, day with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "compare" was used 2 times.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • work-life balance
  • technological advancements
  • leisure activities
  • household chores
  • gender roles
  • modern lifestyle
  • fast food trends
  • sleep patterns
  • health and well-being
  • societal impact
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