The funds for postgraduate research are limited; therefore, some people think that financial support from the government should be provided. However, only scientific research should be funded, rather than other, less useful subjects. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In order for
government
and the societies they control to improve, it is necessary that
support
be provided to the next generation of thinkers
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
pursue postgraduate studies. With
this
idea of
government
support
in mind, we have to consider putting all of the funding towards
science
, which is the controversial stance that some desire. Providing the entirety of the money towards
science
is a horrible idea, as arts and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
communication
are equally deserving of
this
postgraduate financing.
Although
some might
support
the idea of only funding
science
, they would be incorrect because the Arts are just as valuable and deserving of monetary
support
. Not only does
art
promote creativity, but
also
it enlightens others
to
Change preposition
about
show examples
culture in
ways
that
science
cannot accomplish.
Science
is an example of creativity, but it is not as expressive as
art
because when we witness
art
we get a glimpse of the nature of the universe and the creative insights of the human brain in
ways
not limited by
science
.
In addition
to
this
convincing point, one of the primary
ways
we learn about other cultures is when their
art
is brought to our museums, and
science
is more universal which means it does not get into specific
culture
Replace the word
cultural
show examples
norms. The arguments presented here are convincing, but we have one more persuasive topic to cover. The
government
should provide funds
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
postgraduate
communication
studies because they are equally impactful as
science
. Where would our world be if we had not become better at solving problems and enhancing relationships through better
communication
? Many potential world wars have been resolved without bloodshed because of former postgraduate students who specialized in negotiation (
communication
), and
therefore
the
government
should
support
this
field. Moving on to the next argument, some might state that
science
has improved relationships with social media;
however
, studies show that people are worse in their
face to face
Add a hyphen
face-to-face
show examples
communication
, and as
result
Correct article usage
a result
show examples
giving money to postgraduates who study relationship
communication
will improve us in
ways
that
science
cannot. These supporting points show why we should not
support
only
science
. There is too much focus on
science
in our modern times and
as a
result
Add a comma
result,
show examples
we are losing the aspects of ourselves that have gotten through changes in civilization.
Science
has been looked
Change preposition
at as
show examples
as
Change preposition
at as
show examples
almost having god-like qualities, but actually the areas of
art
and
communication
are equally valuable. Successful relationships are based on
communication
, not
science
.
Submitted by abdullahalsheeha18 on

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task achievement
Your essay is partially responsive to the task, but the arguments need to be more fully extended and substantiated with relevant examples. To fully meet the task achievement criteria, ensure that your position is clearly presented throughout the essay and develops a well-supported argument, citing examples that illustrate your points effectively.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay could be significantly improved. Think about organizing your ideas into clear paragraphs, each with a clear main idea followed by supporting sentences that develop that idea. Transitions between the ideas could be smoother. Aim for coherence in your argument by ensuring each paragraph logically follows from the one before, leading the reader through your points in a clear and organized manner.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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