IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The bar chart below describes some changes about the percentage of people were born in Australia and who were born outside Australia living in urban, rural and town between 1995 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart below describes some changes about the percentage of people were born in Australia and who were born outside Australia living in urban, rural and town between 1995 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
#bar #changes #percentage #people #australia #town #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The
given
Verb problem
apply
show examples
bar chart provides information about how the proportion of
people
Use synonyms
were
Correct pronoun usage
who were
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 born in
Australia
Use synonyms
 and
people
Use synonyms
 who were born outside it
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
changed in percentage between 1995 and 2010. These numbers had been measured in urban, rural and
town
Fix the agreement mistake
towns
show examples
 in and outside
Australia
Use synonyms
. At
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
first glance, it is clearly seen that the
numbr
Correct your spelling
number
 of
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
 in and outside
Australia
Use synonyms
 in rural areas had dramatically decreased between the given years.
Besides
Linking Words
, the number of
people
Use synonyms
 being born in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
towns outside
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Australia
Use synonyms
 in 1995 and 2010 had been
stabled
Replace the word
stable
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. The interesting point is that the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
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 of
people
Use synonyms
 being born in cities of
Australia
Use synonyms
had
Wrong verb form
has
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raised
Verb problem
risen
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 about 15%
between
Change preposition
over
show examples
 the given years.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, these statistics outside
Astralia
Correct your spelling
Australia
 in cities illustrate more amount of increased percentage which was 20%. As is observed, the most range of changes involves the rural areas
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
located outside
Australia
Use synonyms
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and experienced
Linking Words
such
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
a falling gradient which is almost 30%
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.
Submitted by hanarad41 on

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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words people, australia with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "changed" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Percentage
  • Demographic
  • Trends
  • Urban areas
  • Rural areas
  • Town
  • Native-born
  • Foreign-born
  • Migration patterns
  • Economic factors
  • Government policies
  • Increase
  • Decrease
  • Steady
  • Peak
  • Trough
  • Time frame
  • Significant changes
  • Distribution
  • Notable
What to do next:
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