IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many people today would argue that cinemas are becoming irrelevant due to new streaming services. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Cinema
Use synonyms
 is not only a branch of
art
Use synonyms
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
Linking Words
 a good way
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 socializing. Since its invention
cinema
Use synonyms
 has created its businesses, actors and actresses. With
amendmends
Correct your spelling
amendments
 in new streaming
services
Use synonyms
, the alternative ways for watching a
movie
Use synonyms
 have increased. At that
point
Add a comma
point,
show examples
 there comes a question to minds: whether cinemas are losing their value or importance. It can be easily stated that thanks to the developments in new streaming
services
Use synonyms
 and new platforms accessing a new
movie
Use synonyms
 is becoming easier,
however
Linking Words
, the value of
cinema
Use synonyms
 is still existing in
art
Use synonyms
 society.
Firstly
Linking Words
, with the new platforms like Netflix or Amazon Prime, the number of
movies
Use synonyms
, drama series and
sit-coms
Correct your spelling
sitcoms
show examples
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 risen in recent days.
As a
Linking Words
consequence
Add a comma
consequence,
show examples
 people do not have to go to a
cinema
Use synonyms
for watching
Change preposition
to watch
show examples
 a
movie
Use synonyms
 any more.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
according to
Linking Words
 many individuals watching a
movie
Use synonyms
 at their home is more comfortable and cheaper than
go
Change the form of the verb
going
show examples
 to a
cinema
Use synonyms
 saloon. Imagine a man who wears his pajamas
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
prepares some snacks and watches a
movie
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 his sofa. In comparison with another figure
goes
Correct pronoun usage
who goes
show examples
 to a mall for a
movie
Use synonyms
, who suffers from heavy traffic and buys
overprice
Wrong verb form
overpriced
show examples
 popcorn and has to wait in line for
faciltie
Correct article usage
a faciltie
show examples
, the former one is likely to feel more satisfied and happier
at the end
Linking Words
 of the
movie
Use synonyms
.
To sum up
Linking Words
, one should always remember that
as a result
Linking Words
 of extended streaming
services
Use synonyms
 people may access
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the new
movies
Use synonyms
 with less effort.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, despite the mentioned pros the importance of the
cinema
Use synonyms
 should not be overlooked by society. Considering
cinema
Use synonyms
 is an essential way for conveying a message to
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
 and
socilazing
Correct your spelling
socializing
.
For instance
Linking Words
, a character who prefers to meet his friends
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
outside
for watching
Change preposition
to watch
show examples
 a
movie
Use synonyms
instead
Linking Words
 of
stays
Wrong verb form
staying
show examples
 at home alone is likely to feel more related to the public.
Hence
Linking Words
, he rarely suffers from the sense of loneliness which is a pervasive concern in the modern world.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
art
Use synonyms
 is the key element for building a comprehensive
individuals
Fix the agreement mistake
individual
show examples
 and teenagers may broaden their horizons if they watch some significant
movies
Use synonyms
 like Pianist,
instead
Linking Words
 of an ordinary
movieseries
Correct your spelling
series
. As long as a youngster spends his time with certain
movies
Use synonyms
, his awareness is likely to increase and he will
be transfer
Change the verb form
be transferred
show examples
 into a sophisticated and emphatic adult in his later life. To wrap up,
cinema
Use synonyms
 is still crucial for socializing and constructing
well- rounded
Correct your spelling
well-rounded
show examples
 individuals.
To conclude
Linking Words
, all the things are taken into
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
account, despite
new
Correct article usage
the new
show examples
 and common using streaming
services
Use synonyms
bring
Wrong verb form
bringing
show examples
 some pros, including saving money and feeling more comfortable,
cinema
Use synonyms
 is still saving its position as an important
art
Use synonyms
 branch and common
activitiy
Correct your spelling
activity
activities
 among
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people. It is important to be aware of the value of the
cinema
Use synonyms
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
while
Linking Words
 benefiting the new streaming
services
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure that there is a clear overall progression in your essay. Your ideas should be ordered logically with clear sequencing of points. Try to use a range of cohesive devices appropriately.
task achievement
Focus on the development of your main points. Your response needs to thoroughly address all parts of the task with balanced coverage of each part. Expand upon your arguments with more detailed examples and explanations where necessary.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: