IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2.5

Many customs and traditional ways of behaviour are no longer relevant to modern life and not worth keeping. Do you agree or disagree?

#customs #behaviour #life
While
 some people argue that the ancient
traditions
 of our grounds make no
sence
Correct your spelling
sense
 in
modern
Add an article
the modern
show examples
 world, other people believe that
current
Correct article usage
the current
show examples
 generation should continue. keeping them.
However
, I partially agree with both proposals, but I still believe that
such
 valuable things as
traditions
Add a missing verb
are definetely
show examples
definetely
Correct your spelling
definitely
 worth keeping. On the one hand, the
traditions
 and
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 of our grands are much more important than we can
imagion
Correct your spelling
imagine
.
Firstly
, it is their personal experience and
significant
Correct article usage
a significant
show examples
 part of our history.
Therefore
, if we forget our
traditions
, we will
loose
Replace the word
lose
show examples
 our history and our country.
Secondly
, the vast majority of our
traditions
 were accepted because of
tears
Correct article usage
the tears
show examples
 and blood of many great people.
Hence
, forgetting
tham
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them
 will be
absolute
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absolutely
show examples
;y
disrespectfull
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disrespectful
disrespectfully
 and and all
iof
Correct your spelling
of
 their efforts will
loose
Replace the word
lose
show examples
 all
sence
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sense
.
For example
, in
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the 1920s
show examples
1920s
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the 1920s
show examples
Fix the agreement mistake
apply
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more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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hundreads
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hundreds
 of great scientists, poets and heroes died only to protect our culture from
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the Soviet
show examples
Soviet
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the Soviet
show examples
 Union.
On the other hand
, our
traditions
 have no impact on current society, conversially
it's distract
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it distracts
show examples
 us from evolving. The first reason is the amount of money
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
allocated
Add a missing verb
is allocated
show examples
 for
maintainingour
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maintaining our
traditions
 and organization of traditional events,
such
 as
nauriz
Correct your spelling
nausea
. In conclusion, I can say with
confidance
Correct your spelling
confidence
 that our
traditions
Add a verb
traditions are
traditions were
show examples
definetely
Correct your spelling
definitely
 worth keeping.
Submitted by ronadeclaro on

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coherence cohesion
While the structure of the essay is generally clear, there is room for improvement in logical coherence. Make sure each paragraph flows smoothly to the next, and the transition between ideas is seamless. Try to use transitional phrases to connect ideas and paragraphs together more effectively.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present but could be more impactful. In the introduction, state your thesis more clearly to give a strong indication of the direction of your argument. In the conclusion, summarize your main points with greater conviction to leave a lasting impression on the reader.
coherence cohesion
Some points lack full development and supporting details. Ensure that each main point is not only stated but also explained and supported with specific examples or evidence to strengthen your argument.
task achievement
You have responded to the task, but the response would benefit from more detailed development and more clear, comprehensive ideas. Present ideas in a way that reflects both complexity and depth, with a balanced discussion that addresses all aspects of the prompt.
task achievement
Your essay would improve with the use of more relevant and specific examples. Examples should be used to concretely demonstrate the points you are making and tie them back to the question at hand. They should be relevant, clear, and add weight to your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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