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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The graphs show figures relating to hours worked and stress levels amongst professionals in eight groups. Describe the information shown to a university/college lecturer.

The graphs show figures relating to hours worked and stress levels amongst professionals in eight groups. Describe the information shown to a university/college lecturer.
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Given are a bar chart and a pie chart depicting data regarding the number of
work
Use synonyms
 time per
week
Use synonyms
 and the percentage of people that suffer from health issues caused by stress, divided into eight groups of prophecy.
Overall
Linking Words
, Businessmen have the highest numbers of
work
Use synonyms
,
whereas
Linking Words
 the
lecturers
Use synonyms
 spend the least.
Although
Linking Words
 their average working
hours
Use synonyms
 are the least,
lecturers
Use synonyms
 experience the maximum level of stress related to illness. As is presented in the bar graph, businessmen have the highest average working
hours
Use synonyms
 per
week
Use synonyms
, with a total of 70
hours
Use synonyms
. Movie producers come as the second with 60
hours
Use synonyms
 per
week
Use synonyms
.
Additionally
Linking Words
, Doctors have the third longest working
hours
Use synonyms
, spending 50
hours
Use synonyms
 per
week
Use synonyms
. Writers, Programmers, and chefs
work
Use synonyms
 45, 40, and 30
hours
Use synonyms
 per
week
Use synonyms
 respectively. It seems like
lecturers
Use synonyms
 have the least working
hours
Use synonyms
 with only 25
hours
Use synonyms
 per
week
Use synonyms
. Interestingly,
although
Linking Words
 the
lecturers
Use synonyms
work
Use synonyms
 fewer
hours
Use synonyms
 per
week
Use synonyms
 than other professionals, their stress-related illness is highest among the observed professionals, accounting for one-fourth of the total cases. Movie producers and doctors experience 18 and 15
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of health issues related to stress, consecutively.
In contrast
Linking Words
, businessmen
work
Use synonyms
 longer
hours
Use synonyms
 a
week
Use synonyms
, and their percentage of stress-related illness is only 10%, less than the
lecturers
Use synonyms
, movie producers, and doctors. Programmers, writers, and lawyers suffer from
this
Linking Words
 issue less than 10% of the total.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "although".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words work, week, lecturers, hours with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • analogy
  • correlation
  • data-driven
  • discernible trends
  • discrepancy
  • empirical evidence
  • fluctuations
  • longitudinal study
  • meticulously
  • percentile
  • predominantly
  • quantitative analysis
  • spectrum
  • statistical significance
  • threshold
  • variances
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