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Band 4.5

Raw materials of the Earth such as crude oil, trees and still water are being used at a very large rate. In this essay, the problems that occur due to that and solutions to them are going to be discussed.

#materials #earth #crude #oil #trees #water #rate
Raw materials of the Earth
such
 as crude oil, trees and still water are being used at a very large rate. In
this
 essay, the problems that occur
due to
 that and solutions to them are going to be discussed.
Firstly
, we may run out of the resources that we are using.
For instance
, all sources of crude oil, the material, from which plastic is made and most of electricity is generated, are expected to deplete in the next 200 years. The possible solution is to make the usage of the resources sustainable.
For example
, for each tree
cut
Add a comma
cut,
show examples
 we can plant one seed or a couple of them, resulting in the population never
srinking
Correct your spelling
drinking
shrinking
,
hence
, preventing deforestation,
thus
, securing the habitat of the forest.
Secondly
, the process of obtaining and utilising may emit gases, which are harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
show examples
 the environment.
For instance
, burning coal, which is used to warm our homes, causes carbon dioxide to be emitted.
This
 gas is
resposible
Correct your spelling
responsible
 for global warming (the gradual increase in Earth's mean temperature),
thus
, endangering many species and the biomes, in which they live
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
. To combat
this
, we can research alternatives.
For example
, heating homes with clean energy,
such
 as wind or solar energy, is becoming a more popular practice in most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Add an article
the european
show examples
european
Change the capitalization
European
show examples
 countries. In
conlcusion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
, if there is a raw resource, which either has the possibility of depleting or harming our planet, it should theoretically be replaced or its consumption made sustainable.
However
, whether
if
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
people can actually achieve
this
, is, unfortunately, not certain.
Submitted by alexander.vectorgs on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea, with sentences that are logically organized around this central topic.
coherence cohesion
Include an introduction that clearly responds to the task prompt and sets the stage for the arguments to be presented.
coherence cohesion
Use a variety of linking words to connect ideas and paragraphs, and create a seamless flow throughout the essay.
task achievement
Fully address all parts of the task, providing a clear opinion and discussing both problems and solutions as directed by the prompt.
task achievement
Develop ideas comprehensively by explaining and supporting your points with specific examples.
task achievement
Use a range of vocabulary and sentence structures to express precise and sophisticated ideas related to the task.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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