IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Universities should take the same number of man and women in each major. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this statement.

#universities #man #women
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In order to achieve
gender
 equality in universities, some argue that there should be an equal amount of male and female
students
 in each major.
However
, I disagree with the statement as it may result in unfair decisions to meet the
gender
 requirements and universities should consider the academic abilities of the candidates more
instead
 of the
gender
.
To begin
 with, the admission board may have unfair policies for different genders when considering the applicants. If a subject normally attracts more male applicants than females, the university may need to intentionally give disadvantages to male
students
.
For example
, male
students
 who meet the requirements may not be able to get in just because there are too many boys. Providing these unfair exceptions will without a doubt affect the university's reputation.
Moreover
, academic abilities should be the sole reason for a student being able to enrol in the programme. If a female student who cannot meet the requirement still gets in to satisfy the absolute
gender
 equality, the course content might be too difficult for her. She may fail the course
at the end
, and even have to drop out of
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
course.
This
 will do no good for the student and even harm her as years will be wasted. In conclusion, I disagree with the statement that the number of male and female
students
 in
an
Change the article
a
show examples
 university programme should
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
be the same, as it will result in unfair decisions by the admission board and universities should consider academic abilities only.
Submitted by jackcityone on

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task achievement
While your essay presents a clear position throughout, it is necessary to ensure that you extend your main points. Provide more detailed examples to support your ideas. Consider exploring a more diverse range of reasons and discussing potential counter-arguments to enhance your argumentative depth.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is coherent, but you could improve the flow of information by using a wider range of linking words and cohesive devices. Aim to guide the reader more smoothly from one idea to the next, which will enhance the overall cohesion of your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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