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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

the line graph below shows the consumption of 4 kinds of meat in a European country from 1979 to 2004.

the line graph below shows the consumption of 4 kinds of meat in a European country from 1979 to 2004.
#line #consumption #kinds #meat #european #country
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The line graph shows that four types of meat were eaten by the
European
Use synonyms
 country people over a period of 25 years.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that fish was the lowest in
grams
Use synonyms
 per
person
Use synonyms
 per
week
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 beef and chicken
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
week
Use synonyms
 of
one
Use synonyms
person
Use synonyms
 intake
grams
Use synonyms
 were the most popular foods respectively during
this
Linking Words
 period.
At
Change the preposition
In
show examples
 the beginning, beef was the most popular choice, there was approximately 230
grams
Use synonyms
 were eaten by
one
Use synonyms
person
Use synonyms
 per
week
Use synonyms
 in
Use synonyms
European
Correct your spelling
Europe
show examples
,
while
Linking Words
 fish only had
this
Linking Words
 figure approximately a fifth, which had only about 52
grams
Use synonyms
 in
European
Use synonyms
 families, and
also
Linking Words
 was the lowest consumption in the 4 types meet foods. At the same time, chicken and lamb had
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
similar details, which were nearly 150
grams
Use synonyms
 and 150
grams
Use synonyms
 respectively
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
per
week
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
one
Use synonyms
person
Use synonyms
. As time
goes
Wrong verb form
went
show examples
 on, beef sharply fluctuated from about 220
grams
Use synonyms
 to around 230
grams
Use synonyms
 until the
mid
Correct your spelling
middle
show examples
 of
the
Change the article
apply
show examples
1908,
then
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
rapidly decreased by a double with the beginning figure to about 130
grams
Use synonyms
 in each
week
Use synonyms
 of
one
Use synonyms
person
Use synonyms
 intake. At the same time, chicken became
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the most popular choice in
European
Use synonyms
 families from nearly 150
grams
Use synonyms
 in 197 to close to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
250
gram
Fix the agreement mistake
grams
show examples
 in 2004, which was the highest
at the end
Linking Words
 of
year
Add an article
the year
show examples
. Lamb gradually reduced from 150
grams
Use synonyms
 to around 55
grams
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
each
week
Use synonyms
 in the
families
Fix the agreement mistake
family
show examples
 intake, and fish remained stable during
this
Linking Words
 period
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the graph shows.
Submitted by ur790609922 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words european, grams, person, week, one with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • consumption
  • meat
  • increase
  • decrease
  • popularity
  • steady
  • stable
  • significant
  • period
  • type
  • contrast
  • decline
  • greatest
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