In many countries, children are becoming overweight and unhealthy. Some people think that the government should have the responsibility. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Child obesity is becoming a common concern in most areas of the world. It is often argued that in most nations
children
are consuming unhygienic foods which is the leading cause of being overweight. However
, some believe that to limit this
issue the ministry should take strict steps to limit the growing challenge. In my opinion, it does not only depend on the government
but parents
also
play a crucial role. Therefore
I disagree with this
statement, that the regime is only responsible.
Firstly
the ratio of overweight children
is increasing daily, for example
in most of the western countries people are known to consume a lot of junk food
daily, this
is one of the main causative factors. Therefore
, tackling such
a problem is not only dependent on the government
even though the government
is responsible for limiting the use of such
food
by banning some products that are not good for children
's nourishment.
On the other hand
, parents
have a great influence on children
's live
. They do Replace the word
lives
however
on most occasions know what is best for them and what must be forbidden to maintain a healthy lifestyle. It has been seen that mothers and fathers do not choose the most appropriate food
for their young ones. They usually prefer to buy food
that their children
like without considering their nutritional value. Consequently
, it shows that parents
have a direct impact on kids' development. They are the only ones who can encourage their children
to have food
full of nutrients.
In conclusion, although
the government
's authority is important to limit this
condition parents
are also
responsible for controlling this
situation. I strongly believe that parents
have a great impact and should be responsible for taking strict measures regarding their children
's diet.Submitted by aimenmalik2021 on
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coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear overall structure, but transitions between ideas need improvement. Use a wider range of cohesive devices and clear topic sentences to better guide the reader through your argument.
task achievement
You have addressed the main topic but your position is not consistently clear throughout the essay. Maintain a clear stance in every paragraph and fully develop your arguments to cover all aspects of the prompt.
