In many countries, children are becoming overweight and unhealthy. Some people think that the government should have the responsibility. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#countries #children #people #government #responsibility

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Child obesity is becoming a common concern in most areas of the world. It is often argued that in most nations

children

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are consuming unhygienic foods which is the leading cause of being overweight.

However

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, some believe that to limit

this

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issue the ministry should take strict steps to limit the growing challenge. In my opinion, it does not only depend on the

government

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but

parents

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also

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play a crucial role.

Therefore

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I disagree with

this

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statement, that the regime is only responsible.

Firstly

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the ratio of overweight

children

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is increasing daily,

for example

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in most of the western countries people are known to consume a lot of junk

food

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daily,

this

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is one of the main causative factors.

Therefore

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, tackling

such

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a problem is not only dependent on the

government

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even though the

government

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is responsible for limiting the use of

such

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food

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by banning some products that are not good for

children

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's nourishment.

On the other hand

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parents

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have a great influence on

children

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live

Replace the word

lives

show examples

. They do

however

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on most occasions know what is best for them and what must be forbidden to maintain a healthy lifestyle. It has been seen that mothers and fathers do not choose the most appropriate

food

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for their young ones. They usually prefer to buy

food

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that their

children

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like without considering their nutritional value.

Consequently

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, it shows that

parents

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have a direct impact on kids' development. They are the only ones who can encourage their

children

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to have

food

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full of nutrients. In conclusion,

although

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the

government

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's authority is important to limit

this

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condition

parents

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are

also

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responsible for controlling

this

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situation. I strongly believe that

parents

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have a great impact and should be responsible for taking strict measures regarding their

children

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's diet.

Submitted by aimenmalik2021 on Sat Dec 02 2023

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coherence cohesion

Your essay has a clear overall structure, but transitions between ideas need improvement. Use a wider range of cohesive devices and clear topic sentences to better guide the reader through your argument.

task achievement

You have addressed the main topic but your position is not consistently clear throughout the essay. Maintain a clear stance in every paragraph and fully develop your arguments to cover all aspects of the prompt.

10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

292 words

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In many countries, children are becoming overweight and unhealthy. Some people think that the government should have the responsibility. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In some countries, more people are becoming interested in finding out about the history of the house or building they live in. What are the reasons for this? How can people research this question?

Smoking should be banned in all public places even though it would restrict some of other people’s freedoms. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.