IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think it is more important to spend time in developing a successful career while others think it is more important to spend time with friends and family

#people #time #career #friends
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Many people today have argued that
theyyou
Correct your spelling
you
 need to choose to spend
time
Use synonyms
 either with family and
friends
Use synonyms
 or
dedicateing
Correct your spelling
dedicating
dedicate
 it to
work
Use synonyms
. In my opinion,
while
Linking Words
 spending more
time
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
work
Use synonyms
 demonstrates commitment and contributes to skill improvement, prioritizing
time
Use synonyms
 with family and
friends
Use synonyms
 is
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
preferable. On the one hand, spending more
time
Use synonyms
 at
work
Use synonyms
 will help
peopleyou
Correct your spelling
people you
people
 to improve
theiryour
Correct your spelling
their your
 skills and abilities in
Use synonyms
work spaces
Correct your spelling
workspaces
show examples
 compared to
otheryour
Correct your spelling
other your
 coworkers. Because experiences build skills
such
Linking Words
 as
problem solving
Add a hyphen
problem-solving
show examples
,
team
Correct your spelling
teamwork
show examples
work
Use synonyms
 and leadership
,.
Change the punctuation
,
.
show examples
 These skills are essential in
workplace
Add an article
the workplace
a workplace
show examples
 that enhancing their potential to get a higher position.
Afterall
Correct your spelling
After all
show examples
,
higher
Correct article usage
a higher
show examples
position
Fix the agreement mistake
positions
show examples
 will have a higher salary,
therefore
Linking Words
 they do not need to worry about finances to
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
 daily
needed
Replace the word
needs
show examples
 or
spending
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
 extra money for travelling or for their kid’s education.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, allocating more
time
Use synonyms
 for family and
friends
Use synonyms
 helps people to build
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
strong
bonding
Fix the agreement mistake
bonds
show examples
 and relations as they may need someone who can
support
Use synonyms
 them in a hard situation. there are a lot of cases where an individual wants to give up but their family and
friends
Use synonyms
’
support
Use synonyms
 from family and
friends
Use synonyms
 helps them to keep up and keep going.
This
Linking Words
 is crucial as it
encourage
Change the verb form
encourages
show examples
 them to not
loss
Replace the word
lose
show examples
 hope
facing
Rephrase
when facing
show examples
 a difficulty in their life which sometimes if
this
Linking Words
 is
For instance
Linking Words
, when someone is sick,
Correct article usage
the family
show examples
family
Correct article usage
the family
show examples
 is who
Correct subject-verb agreement
takes
show examples
take
Correct subject-verb agreement
takes
show examples
 care of them and when they in their lowest point, they ask
Use synonyms
Change preposition
for support
show examples
support
Change preposition
for support
show examples
 and advice from devoted
friends
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
come
Change the verb form
comes
show examples
 from a tight bond between you and your close-knit which
born
Add a missing verb
is born
show examples
 from
countless
Correct article usage
the countless
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 you have spent with them. Having people to rely on
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 you enjoy and happy in life. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 working overtime improves your personal growth and
financesial
Correct your spelling
financial
finances
, unwavering
support
Use synonyms
 from family and
friends
Use synonyms
 is crucial to give you
courage
Correct article usage
the courage
show examples
 and strength to keep going.
Submitted by nadiaha234 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure consistency in the use of pronouns; decide between 'people/they' and 'you/your' and maintain that choice throughout the essay to maintain formal tone and clarity.
coherence cohesion
Use cohesive devices effectively and vary their usage to avoid repetition, help in the creation of a more natural flow throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
Develop main points with clear topic sentences, followed by explanations and examples that are both relevant and extended to fully support the argument.
task achievement
Respond to all parts of the task equally. Make sure both sides of the argument are well represented and balanced to demonstrate a full understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Clearly present ideas and ensure that each paragraph contributes to the overall argument or purpose of the essay, avoiding unclear or repetitive statements.
task achievement
Incorporate specific examples or hypothetical situations to illustrate points, to make the arguments more substantive and persuasive.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: