Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
In today's
Change preposition
Today's
education
system has changed a lot when comes to learning culture. Nowadays, students
are keener to learn additional subjects
along with
their major studies. There are other groups of students
who only concentrate on how to clear their exams and get degrees. In this
essay, we will discuss both the points and also
I will provide my view on this
education
system.
Firstly
, in this
emerging world the education
system rapidly changing, to embrace and to learn new skills it is necessary thing to learn additional subjects
. I will help to grab new opportunities after their graduation, and it will also
give them confidence to compete with the highly skilled jobs. In my experience, most of my school students
learnt engineering courses but they land up in other domain jobs, the reason behind is
that they have learnt additional online certification courses in the online platform which helps them to get the jobs. Correct pronoun usage
this is
Hence
, it is good to learn other subjects
which add value added for your career growth.
On the other hand
, they are students
who will come to college just to study and grab the degree course. It will also
give the experience of college life and will give the opportunity to socialise with the students
and among society. These kinds of students
are more keen to get the qualification of the course but they do not worry about learning different subjects
. They might have a family business to care of and they
other streams of work they would have to concentrateCorrect your spelling
the
,
Change preposition
on, hence
hence
they will more
for the degree.
In my view, I will support both the view, learning new Add a missing verb
do more
subjects
and completing the degree courses. University education
is a must to complete, this
gives maturity among students
in society and the literacy rate will rise in the country. To conclude
, If the students
are willing to explore multiple career growth it is a must to learn new skills and adapt to the changes in education
.Submitted by appadurai5494 on
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introduction
Your essay begins with a general statement and briefly introduces both sides of the argument, which is a good start. However, the introduction could be improved by stating the thesis more clearly, outlining your specific opinion on the topic.
structure
The essay should have a logical sequence with clear and distinct paragraphs for each point discussed, including well-defined introductions and conclusions. Transitions between paragraphs can be improved for better flow and cohesion.
development
Main points need to be developed further with clear topic sentences. Some ideas are repeated rather than expanded upon. Use a wider range of cohesive devices to enhance the argumentative structure of your essay.
task response
Despite covering the task prompt, the response can be improved by elaborating on the points made and providing relevant, detailed examples to back up those points. This will enhance the completeness and depth of your response.
language
Some grammatical errors and awkward phrasing are present, which affect the clarity of your arguments. Proofread your essay to correct these mistakes and aim to use a variety of sentence structures to demonstrate language flexibility and accuracy.
examples
Providing specific examples relevant to the argument can greatly enhance your essay. Draw on personal, historical, or widely acknowledged examples to support your points in a more convincing way.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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