Some people believe that it is important to give gifts and presents to friends and family to show that we are care about them .Others think that there are better ways to show affection to them discuss both views and give your own opinion.
These days
people
live in Morden lifestyle. they always think about whether they should attention to them to present something to their friends and family to show their love
for them. Another one thinks that there are much better ways to show bonds.in this
essay, I will discuss both views and discuss my opinion.
Firstly
, Nowadays people
are always trying to live in modern society. they share a bond by giving to gifts
each other. It depends on the
their financial situation.Remove the article
apply
some
of them Capitalize word
Some
giving
expensive Wrong verb form
give
gifts
and some give small gifts
. For instance
, secondly
, high class
families buy for Add a hyphen
high-class
gifts
very expensive like a house, car
and to visit Correct article usage
a car
oversees
air ticket. Correct your spelling
overseas
Finally
, the
poor Correct article usage
apply
people
they
can Correct pronoun usage
apply
giving
to Wrong verb form
give
gifts
family member
or friends very small Fix the agreement mistake
members
thing
like flowers, dinner out, and books.they Fix the agreement mistake
things
does
not have much money for expensive Change the verb form
do
gifts
for sharing they
Correct pronoun usage
their
love
.
On the other hand
, someone think
about them sharing Change the verb form
thinks
they
Correct pronoun usage
their
love
only bonding. They try to always care about each other. For instance
, firstly
, people
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
Love
to care Change preposition
for they
they
parents.they stay with their parents same house and feed them they are given medicine ,good conversation and happiness. they should Correct pronoun usage
their
love
to sharing
their feeling with Change the verb
share
love
each others
.
In conclusion, Change to a singular noun
other
people
are very different each
Change preposition
from each
others
because some of them have to share Change to a singular noun
other
they
Correct pronoun usage
their
love
for financial like a
Correct the article-noun agreement
a gift
gifts
gifts
.other
can share their Fix the agreement mistake
Others
love
as a bonding like sharing feelings. in my opinion, given the gifts
these days, people
are very popular and happy they never forget family or friends give gifts
. I think that much better to give a gift keeping love
.Submitted by manushamanu1024 on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure clarity and precision in your argument structure; your essay currently presents ideas in a confusing order, contributing to a lack of logical progression. Introduction and conclusion are identifiable but lack clarity and focus. Main points need clearer support and development.
task achievement
Your essay must address all parts of the task; present clear opinions and extend the discussion to include all aspects of the prompt. Ensure you provide a balanced view before concluding with your opinion, give your essay a clear position throughout.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite