IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people believe that higher education should be funded by the government. Others, however, argue that it is the responsibility of individuals to fund their higher education. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #education #government #responsibility #individuals #fund
A group of individuals present the view that the
government
 should pay for the members of the
society
 to obtain higher qualifications,
whereas
 others believe that expenses for higher
education
 need to be paid by
people
. I strongly agree with the former opinion. On the one hand, some
people
 justifiably argue that higher
education
 should be free. There are numerous
people
 who are unable to continue their studies
as a result
 of financial problems.
Therefore
, if the
government
 pay for higher
education
, the number of
people
 who follow their studies at a higher level will soar. So,
firstly
, individuals would be able to pursue their interests and find better job opportunities.
This
 not only influences the
people
's standard of living but
also
 brings much
profits
Fix the agreement mistake
profit
show examples
 to the
government
.
secondly
, the crime rate can be reduced and the money which is spent for rehabilitation or imprisonment can be allocated to other infrastructures in the
society
.
On the other hand
, another group of
people
 claim that the
government
 should not spend funds on higher
education
.They firmly insist that all the members of the
society
 should be benefited equally from the governmental funds.
For example
, investing in transport infrastructure or enhancing amenities around the cities can be used by the majority of ordinary residents.
However
, I do not find
this
 argument convincing as paying for
education
 at higher levels may not be seen as effective for a sizeable number of
people
, but it can have several positive effects in the long run.
For instance
, increasing the number of qualified doctors or engineers and
thus
.improving the quality of healthcare systems or buildings.
To conclude
, in my view, it is
people
's right to study higher
education
 for free since it can open the door to a
society
 that has
higher
Add an article
a higher
show examples
 standard of living for the whole citizens.
Moreover
, by paying everyone for their expenses, they encounter issues and may not continue
the
Change the word
their
show examples
study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
show examples
and
Correct word choice
which
show examples
 would have adverse effects on the country.
Submitted by m.r.zamani1376678 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that the sentences within the paragraph are logically connected to each other. Use a range of cohesive devices to make your essay more coherent.
Task Response
When discussing both views of the argument, balance the content so that you explore each perspective thoroughly before providing your opinion. Ensure that your opinion is clear and well-supported with appropriate examples.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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